Entries Tagged 'Television' ↓

Ok, can we all just agree to blog this show as YTOTIW so I have some room left over in my titles?

Read more…

Oh god, I already hate it. Did Trump really use the sound effects of a baby on the telephone, just so he could sneak in his new son's name (Baron)? That's just sad.

Watching the whole show on Tivo now. Maybe I'll review it, if it's not as painful as that intro was.

Stupid news story of the day is the video of Tigger attacking a 14yr old boy. I'd just like to point out that a 4yr old can distinguish "Daddy, that's not Tigger, that's someone dressed up like Tigger." I always wondered about that whenever I'd hear that nonsense about "irreparably damaged because my kid saw Mickey take his head off."

Anyway, watch the video. Looks pretty obvious to me that the kid, coming into the picture late, does something at the back of Tigger's costume. Maybe he just put his hand too close to Tigger's neck, maybe he actually started feeling around for a zipper because he thought it would be funny. Either way, Tigger wraps and bars the arm (nice!), and then whacks the kid.

So what's the dad do? Goes on the news. What's he expect to get out of it? Disney will pretty safely fire the guy in the suit, it's a big no-no to hit the guests (or to hit on them, which is a different lawsuit :)). I think they already offered the family a free day at the park. The father wants a face to face apology from the kid in the suit, which I'm pretty sure Disney won't allow because they're not supposed to break character like that.

What the father apparently doesn't care much about is how stupid he's making his son look on national television. "How hard did he hit you, son?" he asks for the cameras. "Pretty hard," says the son, "I could feel it through the soft gloves." I think he even said "I can still feel it" at one point.

So…your kid is on video being a punk, and then on the news being a big wimp. Nice dad.

I just can't help envisioning a real Tigger beatdown, and how the kid would explain that. "And then, and then…he kept bouncing up and down on me with that springy tail of his, boing! boing! boing! And the laughing….oh, the laughing….sometimes at night I can still hear the laughing. HoohooHOOOO! HoohooHOOOO! And there were Pooh and all his friends, just pointing and laughing….."

Well, on a good note, Scrubs is back early!  We don't have to wait until end of January like some shows. 

Wow, did I hate this episode.  "Hey, here's an idea, we haven't already done a bunch of 'House' jokes on the show yet, so let's do an entire episode devoted to making Dr. Cox look like Dr. House."  Apparently they think we all didn't get enough of My New Suit.  Plus, we get depressing story lines about how Eliot (Elliot?  Elliott?  How am I supposed to spell her name?) is not bonding with her friends anymore, and Carla's got post-partum depression.  Woohoo, a real hoot.  Overall it's just plain mean, but also silly and obvious.  The whole thing is about medical mysteries, but are any of them not obvious?  Plus most of the jokes are visual and unfunny, such as the paintball stuff.  Shooting somebody in the face with a paintball is actually pretty painful and dangerous.

Oh well, on with what I can find for quotes.  And yes, I did google for "Tako-tsubo cardiomyopathy", which is actually the unnecessarily complex Japanese way to say "stress cardiomyopathy" so he sounds more House-like.

I can't believe it's all over.  God, so many memories.  So many, many memories.  Who wants to say something first?
  Eliot, your new office is right there.  Nothing's gonna change but your lab coat.

On the up side I could give her dramatic "Don't go" kisses whenever I felt like it.
  Oh that was hot, stud.  But I think it's just my leg that's supposed to be up.

And you don't want to be around me when I'm pregnant, all the women in my family go psycho…
   Yeah,
I WASN'T FINISHED!
   You know, I'm back, perfectly fine.  Hit the wall.

Hey, look who I brought to see her mama…
  Somebody else's child?
    We've got a code pink, people!  Somebody just stole a baby!

I don't know if you know this, but the icepacks you've been putting on your hooey run about forty two bucks a pop.

All right, who can tell me anything about Mr. Pierce?
  He uses oil heaters in his house in New Hampshire.
That answer was either very sarcastic or very stupid. Either way I'm whacking you with my clipboard.  Brace yourself.
  Wait!  He's hypoxic with a clear chest x-ray, which can be a sign of carbon monoxide poisoning.  I learned that watching 'House'.
    House is a *genius*.
That's it, I'm whacking both of you.

Look, I know you all curl up on your futons at night dreaming of cracking a real medical mystery so that some doctor slash supermodel will want to touch your eruption button.  But, here's the bad news.  This isn't a tv show, there aren't any cameras here, real medical mysteries don't happen every week and real doctors damn sure don't look like models.  They look like Rex.
  What?
Chin up, ya ugly bastard.  So, if you want to solve a real mystery, go ahead and figure out who's taking my New York Times every Sunday.  Or, better yet, how about why anybody on the planet thinks Dane Cook is funny?  As far as Mr. Pierce goes, he has your run of the mill pulmonary embolism and I know, I know, it is a boring medical diagnosis, but that's what hospitals are.  Boring.

Hey, there's that baby you stole.

And phone sex is out of the question, because I'm a righty when I talk on the phone, but I'm also a righty when I'm teaching Mini-JD who daddy is.

I wanted to give you your paycheck in person so you can hand it back to me to pay your bill.
  Why don't you just hang on to that, sir.
That's not how it works.  Now I'm going to hand it to you, and I want you to look at it, sigh, and give it back to me.

I invented a machine that prints business cards.
  That's already been invented.
I know.  But mine also fires paint pellets.

Dr. Reed I thought I would just stop in and say goodbye.
  Why?  I'll still be working here.
Yes, but you won't be working for Sacred Heart, the place that spent a fortune training you, only to have you take off for greener pastures.  You're like a prostitute that gets paid up front then bolts from the restaurant after dinner.  It's about common courtesy, Reed, whether to your boss or a kind-hearted John who's given you a lot of business over the years.  So goodbye, Ms. Mai Ling of Gentle Oriental Escort, and goodbye, Dr. Reed.  I won't be speaking to either of you ever again.

Well what's it called?
  Frecklefart 90.
Awww, for the freckle on  ass, my lactose intolerance, and the fact that I graduated high school in 1990.
  Yes.  That was so lucky!

No matter what I do to entertain myself I'm still bored, whether it's reading the paper or shaving the sideburns off of some resident because his license plate says "PARTYDOC".

This one time, my dad wasn't talking to my mom because she stopped boffing the gardener during the height of weed season.  I know!  She wasn't thinking.

The only thing worse than not knowing why a patient is crashing is being offered help by the hospital's grief counselor, Dr. Hedrick.
  Need help, old friend?
Oh yeah, her kidneys are failing.  Give her a pep talk, stat!

You know, instead of lashing out at me, why don't you turn that anger guy at the person you're really mad at.  Mommy? Just a guess.  I mean, there's gotta be a reason you're always such a d-bag, right?

Maybe he got freaky with some Cheetos.

Maybe he used some fake tan cream.  Used it once, turned me orange all over.
  There were no foreign substances found on his skin, but kudos Keith on finally outing yourself.

Yeah, I don't really give a rat's doodoo maker, Turk.

Don't say hate, Ghandi. You kids throw that work around so much it's lost all its meaning.   Now, now I have to find a work stronger than hate to describe how I feel about others.  Hmmmmm…..I megaloathe you all.  Good day.

I can read a chart, newbie.  Now leave before I put a rhinestone collar around your neck, have you fixed and make you my lapdoctor.

You usually have to go to a van convention to see art of this quality.  Ya do.
  Got a confession to make I actually cheated a little, I used an actual head from the morgue as a model.  Be careful, it's actually around here somewhere.

Podiatrist?
  I also buy and sell feet.  So anyway you want to go, I got you covered.

Tako-tsubo cardiomyopathy, otherwise known as Broken Heart Syndrome, is when a severe emotional trauma triggers a weakening of the heart muscle.

She's gonna need alot more counseling, but we'll get her there. Well, not so much we, as me.  Your part, the bungling of the diagnosis, is done.

I can't believe you can have heart failure just from being sad.  I mean, how are you supposed to treat that?  He's coding, get me a box of kittens, stat!  Possible side effects of kittens include sneezing, tiny scratches, and erectile dysfunction.

Will you excuse me for a second?
  Oh, god yes.

Look, we're gonna talk every night, we're gonna get you a hands free headset for phone sex.  We're gonna get through it.

More Scrubs Quotes…

Great episode.  Very quotable material.  And some nice drama, and plot continuations. Not too much silliness at all. 

It was a day of discovery.  I discovered that I could sex my pregnant girlfriend into a coma.  Nice!

A coffee place in a hospital?  What's next, Bob, an ice cream parlor in the morgue?  Admittedly not a horrible idea seeing's how the freezer is already down there.  Plus it'd be a perfect place for kids.  One of our famous vanilla malteds definitely takes the sting out of having to identify the charred remains of your father.

Awww, now I'm at the end of both lines!

I love this job.  I screw up, nobody gets hurt.  Except Cindy.  I scalded her pretty bad with some steamed milk.  You could see the bone.

Hey Kim, just checking to see if your socks are back on since I knocked them off last night, Hello!  What am I doing, you're gonna be the mother of my child.  That is so tacky.
  And so is this:  Way to hit that, playa!

I'm not telling Isabella she's got a vagina until she's 18!
  That's gonna be an awkward birthday party.
Do not tell my daughter she has a vagina!  I'm serious!
    It may have already come up.

This is my wife Sally.  She lost her thumbs last month when our pet Komodo Dragon Morty got out of his cage.
  On the bright side you have beautiful nubs.

A tip jar.  Really.  What am I supposed to do, just duke you my change because you poured hot water through beans?  Well I'll tell you what my friend, unless you're planning on giving me a complimentary reacharound with my beverage the answer is 'Yeah…no.'  Here's a novel idea, why don't you go fetch me a large coffee with so damned many fake sugars in it that the coffee itself gets cancer?

He is private practice.  Those guys are cocky jackasses who don't give two shakes about anybody else's opinion but their own.  They're me, with one addendum:  they're whores.  And I'm not talking about the good kind of whores like my ex-wife.  They're whores for money.
  Is that a tip jar?
Look.  I'm figuring that if those lunks down at the coffee store can have one, I can too.

Sneak attack.  You can put your shoes on again guys, nice work.

None of here even have kids, except for Margo here, and she sold hers.

Damn, we got smoked.  That's what we get for playing a bunch of G's from the hood.
  Those guys are Indian.
So Rajeesh isn't one of those cool black-only names like Amforni?
  No.  Rajeesh is like Steve in India.

Come on VJ, first you dunk on me and yell "Who's your bitch?" and now you want free medical advice?  How did I not know these guys were Indian?

I have a non-fat latte with room for Shnapps for…janitor.
  Nice braces.  You're not worried about spider monkeys?  Spider monkeys see intricate metalwork as a display of dominance.  It's a threat to them.  They'll tear your eyes out.

So, Dr. Turner said that I am a very talented young physician.
  Jordan said I'm the only man she ever wants to have sex with.  Aren't we sharing fantastic lies we choose to believe for personal reasons?

I'm just gonna go ahead and tip myself calling this one.  Thank you, me.

Turk, I need you and I need you now.
  Isabella, this is the man you'll be competing with for your father's love.
Coochie coochie coo.  Turk, now.
    Baby he's using his emergency tone.

My breasts are so sore, I wish I could just give you formula.
  Formula's bad for the baby.  Boob milk is better.

Now how about somebody gets me a banana nut muffin and hold the spit, please.

I was saying the two most addictive substances on earth are caffeine, and nicotine.  Behold!  Smokeachino, for Kyle.

Are you crazy? You can get sued.  Secondly, I can't believe you went to the mall without me, I specifically told you I needed to buy loafers.  And thirdly, how could you go to the mall without me?  That's our thing.

If I got to be right, and have a private practice doctor get to die due to his own idiocy, I'd call that a pretty full victory.

I thought that you hated him!
  When it comes to torturing you, everybody's on the same page.

Remember that first week, when I found you hooking up with my girlfriend?  And you said you guys were only naked underneath the covers because you'd had a water balloon fight and you were cold?
  JD for the last time nothing happened.
Please, this isn't about that.  Just that I looked all over, I never found any balloons.  You think there'd be some balloons.

I look at Isabella and I get really scared.  And I'm gonna need you to help me through this.
  Well that really sucks cause I was counting on you to make it look easy so I know I can handle it when my turn comes.
Awesome.

You're gonna be just fine.
  I suppose so.
Totally fine.
  Yeah.
Would you mind telling me that I'm gonna be fine Turk, am I gonna be fine?  I think I'm gonna be fine.
  Well I would but I don't know how much you like Kim.
I really like her.
  Then you're gonna be fine.

I got offered a new job.
  Cool, is it over at county? Because that way I can drop you off every morning.
It's in Tacoma, Washington.
  Oh.  That's gonna be a little rough on my scooter.

Peter Boyle died today, or maybe it was yesterday. And yes, sure, maybe he was "best known" as the dad on Everybody Loves Raymond. But man, if that's the only place you know him from, you really need to go find yourself a copy of Mel Brooks' Young Frankenstein. Truly his best work…

When Jingle and Jangle get to visit the Mayor, he makes them a deal. If they can make it snow in Southtown, then he will take that as proof that Santa exists. They will then celebrate by…giving Santa the day off. Huh? They're down there in the first place to prove that he exists so that he won't take the day off, but then they're going to give him a holiday anyway. Now I'm just totally lost. How was that supposed to work when they got back to the North Pole? "Santa! Santa! People really do believe in you, you can go to work this Christmas! Only don't, because the kids don't want you to come!"

Read more…

[Also available on YouTube, of course]

I just don't understand Christmas, I guess.  I like getting my holiday rectal exam, and sending letterbomb Christmas cards, and decorating my penis with tinsel.  But I'm still not happy.

You know newbie, you're the only person I know besides the drunk Santa outside the five and dime who can take a wonderful season like Christmas and turn it into a problem.  Of all the Lucy, Sally and Peppermint Patties in the world, you are by far the most pathetic.  You're pathetic, you're just pathetic.  You're embarassingly pathetic.  You're beyond pathetic, you're a pathetic's pathetic.

How about some pity sex, Laverne?
  You know I shacked up with a man before I was married.  His name was Jesus.
Don't you know sarcasm when you hear it?  Call me?

All I'm sayin' baby is that you wearin all those layers is tough on me.  You with your sweater and your thermals and your jacket, hiding all your goodies and your whatnots.

But I like urinating my name in snow!  Almost as much as I like touching myself.

The holidays are great!  Remember the time we got jacked up on morphine and jammed all night?
  I wasn't invited.
Well, what about the year we all sat around the Christmas tree and beatboxed?
  I wasn't invited that time, either.

I've been looking for you, JD!  I went a little overboard on the eggnog, and now my hands don't work.  So could you please write me a prescription?

I love the holidays.  Except of course the year when I was 9 and my parents got me a Nancy Reagan "Just Say No" poster, and I asked what I was saying no to, and they said "legwarmers, a five-figure job and sex with minorities", oh and over dinner my mother yelled at my father because she learned that in college he played Santa at the local mall and ended up in the back of giftwrapping department with a ho-ho-ho, which then drove him to go a little overboard on the eggnog, which…I can't feel my legs.

Hey newbie, if a tree falls in a forest, and no one is around to hear it, are you still a dumbass?
  Yes.  Wait, no!  No!  Oh, good grief.

Now listen up, baby.  This is the music I wrote for the Christmas party.
  Speaking of Christmas, what did you get me this year?  Well Turk?
Now listen up, baby.  This is the music I wrote you for Christmas.

Time to deck the halls with your incompetence.

Let me think, where would be a good place for this nice tree of yours.  How about up your ass?

DJ, your twig went limp.

I can't hang my shiny balls on that!  Dude, high five!

This might just take attention away from my failures as a human.  Compared to that tree I'm huge and powerful.

Buckle up, Charlize.  I'll tell you what Christmas is all about.  Lights, please.  Here's the deal, newbie.  You can stuff your stockings with shiny toys from now until you grow some testicles.  But until that stocking is filled with friendship, loyalty, love and devotion well it's just plum empty.  And no you can't purchase those things at Laura Ashleigh and no you can't win them in the Redbook Giveaway Extravaganza and gee, sorry if these aren't things that you can wind up and watch spin for eight hours.  Let me make this exceptionally clear.  Christmas is about love. You can't live without other people's love.  Not during Christmas, not ever.  So go spend that time with your friends and family, and if they laugh at you, laugh with them.  And if they laugh at you again, hit em and go find some new friends.   But for the love of god, Jesus, Mary, Joseph and his amazing technicolor dreamcoat, don't ever forget this newbie.  You have to give love to get love, so start giving.  Now.  That's what Christmas is all about, there, newbie.

Maybe it's not about how big your tree is, but who you choose to sit around the tree with.  Maybe I don't care that I just ended a sentence with a preposition.

And God, you're invited too.  Ooo boy, imagine if God actually showed up.  The Lord.  The Almighty.  The Big Guy..or, Girl Upstairs.  The Head Honcho.  The Storm Maker.  The Big Cheese.  I like cheese.  Not that stuff in a can.  But give me a cheese log rolled in nuts and I am in Heaven.

 More Scrubs Quotes

Wow, that's a long title. It's baby time!

Read more…

Hooray!  Scrubs is back!  I love the creativity of this show.  Here, major characters (including janitor) are teamed up with a patient, where each is playing a dual role to show the whole "doctors see themselves in their patients" thing.  I don't think they needed to do the morphing special effect, wasn't it obvious?

But what was up with Blue Man Group?  Talk about pointless stuntcasting. And what the hell did Dr. Cox do to his hair? How in the world is Jordan letting him walk around like that?

Read more…