Entries Tagged 'Scrubs' ↓

I realize I haven't kept this blog up, that's mostly because FIOS blocks on port 80 which means I lose the primary "www.morinfamily.com" url. I keep saying I'll move this over to a real host and get it out of the basement but I never seem to have the attention span — my mail still goes through this domain and when I do it I want to do it quickly so I don't lose mail.

So I'm curious, is anybody actually subscribed and wondering what happened? Or do I just get the occasional search engine traffic?

Scrubs has got at least one more season as it moves to ABC. So, got a question for the cast?

Ok, the strike's over, new shows are getting back on the schedule…so where's Scrubs? This is supposed to be the last season, after all. Are we going to get a real series finale?

Well there's all kinds of shenanigans going on that make the story interesting. First, as you may or may not know, the show has always been produced by an ABC company, even though it airs on NBC. Well now it looks like ABC is making moves to take the show back and air it in the fall? That'd be interesting, and it'd be great to get another full year of the show — but what happens to the end of this season?

Also mentioned in the article is creator Bill Lawrence's hint that he will get the final episodes out – even if he has to go striahg to DVD with them. That'd be kind of cool.

I'm loving this final season, the episodes are really good. I wish they did more with Kelso's upcoming retirement, though, instead of just making him the random comedy guy.  Remember in the early seasons when people feared him?  The whole RateYourDoc.org thing was a little silly, although the site does work. 

You've got something on your face.
  What?
Me.  Oh god, I feel like such a hobag but I'm so glad I did it.

I do declare, spendin special relationary time with my special lady makes me feel happier than a bullfrog in a beetle bin.
  Why are you talking like that?
Because I'm smitten with my girlfriend Lady, and this is my smitten voice.

You guys are playing Smelly Belly?

You guys aren't even friends, why do you spend so much time competing over everything?
  Because we're men, and that is what men do.
(And now a quick look to Turk to see if that is what men do.)

Don't forget I crushed you at Find The Vein In The Junkie.

Do you know the muffin man, the muffin man…if anybody needs me I'll be in my office going to town on these bad boys.

Why are you guys so obsessed with reliving everything you've won?
  Because we're winners, that's what winners do.
(Back to Turk for confirmation…..Damnit!)

If along the way you all become paranoid and overly competitive, happy birthday to me.

Dr. Kelso I became a doctor to save lives.  Heal wounds.  And occasionally to drop the MD bomb to pull hot tail in bars.
  You know what else works?  Cosmonaut.  Thank me later.
(Noted!)

I reckon my lady's as pretty as a porcupine on rollerskates.

That's what we smitten folk call a "metty for".  You little lady have a head as empty as a whipporwhill in a tub of moonshine.

Well I would say love is blind, but we both know that isn't true.  My love for Enid falls a percentage point for every pound she gains.  Since our wedding day I am one hundred and thirty six percent less in love with her.
  You're really gonna comment on your wife's weight when you've got muffins stuffed down your pants?
I like them warm.

You should have invited me, I can cry on cue.  Say "dead puppies."

He's still gonna give me a good review, see we're DBFFs.  Diabetic best friends forever.

Now I have to take your laptop from you as I've deemed you just too darned stupid to use it.  You see those bell peppers that you're munching?  They aren't gonna do a truckload of jack against the cancer raging inside your body.  I've only been a doctor for some twenty years, and the person who wrote that wikipedia entry also authored the Battlestar Galactica episode guide so what the heck do I know?  But if you feel like living, page me.

That's what she likes, he's pretending to be normal.
  NO WAY!  Too much?

If you took too many benzodiazepines, you could have died.
  Then that's exactly what I'll do next time.  Grape?

Oh, it's called Rate Your Doc dot org. I'm on a completely different more awesome site. 

How could I be last, all my patients are dead!
  Doug, remember that guy you put in the morgue drawer, turns out he was just heavily sedated?

Someone named Coco Bosco wrote that she's sick of me saying "Dat's what I'm talking about."  But sometimes dat is what I'm talking about!

If you like her, you can't keep lying to her.
  Hogwash.  Lie forever, it's the natural form of communication between men and women. Hell, Enid still thinks it's too snowy to go outside.  I spray the windows with shaving cream.  Her wheelchair tears up the lawn.

Remember when you were treating that teenager and you broke his ipod?  You felt so guilty you let him take you to prom.
  Yeah well I left early and I barely put out.

What's with the jumpsuit?
  First of all we're gonna make it not a jumpsuit. Shirt belt pants.

I'm not like normal people.  I don't have super powers, but I'm working on it.  For instance watch me move this pen. It worked at home, I dunno, maybe my table is slanted. Um, anyway, in my spare time I enjoy stuffing animals.  Usually with other animals. For instance a badger will hold five squirrels, a squirrel will hold most of a cat.  A mouse will hold a shrew and a vole.  You get the idea, circle of life.  I have broken the sound barrier, but you must never ask me how.  I don't believe in the moon, I think it's just the back of the sun. 
  Hello, train wreck.

Whaddya say, 23?
  (Oh my god, another new nickname?   But what does it mean?  Play it cool 23, you'll find out eventually.)  That's what they call me.  Why do they call me that?

There's nothing you can do.
  What if I let you beat me at basketball while the nurses watch?
Can we yell White Lightning whenever I make a basket?
  We always do.
Back in.

More Scrubs Quotes

Great episode, just like old times. Serious, with an actual message and real storylines, but still goofy when it needed to be. I thought Sam's daydream was stupid, but that was about it. Janitor was excellent. My wife pointed out that although Elliot clearly says she's getting chocolate cake, and states that she's already arranged the cake herself, the cake ends up vanilla.

Or you could spend some quality time with your daughter.
  It seems like you're giving me a choice, but you're not, are you.
    Nope. She's not.  And the only way to get free will back is to stop caring if you ever get to hit that again, am I right?

So how old does that make you?
  That depends, are we talking dog years or horny old bastard years?

I didn't know it was your birthday tomorrow!  You are definitely getting a cake.  What flavor do you want, chocolate or vanilla?  Wait, don't answer, I want to surprise you. It's gonna be chocolate, I like chocolate.

Oh, fun. Could you also have them write "Mind your own damned business" in icing and then jam your face into it so the message really sinks in?

You're four.  People are actually starting to understand about a third of what you say.
  I like lightning ice cream bicycle stuff pizza!
Fantastic.

Damn Izzy, you lookin fine, girl!
  Thank you, Sam!  You not only have a soft spot in your heart, but you have one in your head!
Whaddya say we hit up a Wiggles concert, then go back to my crib, pop open some formula, see what happens?
  Come here and taste this brown sugar.  Taste this brown sugar!
Turk, we can't make them kiss until Sam can hold his head up for real.

We're up at six.  Then I feed him, then I bathe him, then it's poopy time, then it's his poopy time.

The other day when Doctor Cox brought his daughter into the hospital, Sam definitely turned his head.  Ok, I turned it, but I could tell he wanted me to.

Ok, I'm gonna ask you this one last time.  Do you need anything?
  No.  I'm cool.
    Hooch is crazy!
      I know, and the best part is, Rex doesn't know Hooch is crazy.
    Well he'll know by the end of the day!

Chocolate Bear!
  Vanilla Bear!
    Caramel Bear!

Dude, just because we never saw Ricky on campus again doesn't mean he's dead.
  His parents came and packed up all his stuff, Turk.  And his roommmate got straight A's that semester without even going to class.

Well I'm 47 and recently lost the ability to breakdown dairy products.  But other than that I'm dandy, thanks for asking.
  Whoa, TMI, right Josh?  Too Much Information!
Tell you what, I'm gonna let you hang out with Nurse Early Ninety Catchphrases, here.

Ok listen up, I need everybody to clear their schedules tomorrow because we're going to have a little party for Kelso's birthday.
  Kelso makes my life hell!  Now I know I usually cave, but there's no way I'm going to his party.
I understand, Ted.
  Fine, I'll go. Damnit!
I made arrangements for a cake, I just need someone to pick up the decorations.
  Fine I'll get them.  What's happening?

Although actually I do hear bells.  But now they're gone.  Anyway, I'll help.
  Ok, cool because I was wondering if I should
Hold it. They're back…  They're gone….no.  Hang on, go, stop.  Bells…bells…bells…no bells.
  Why don't we start with
Stop. Go.  Stop.

Ok, we're both off, so I planned our plan.
  You just used the same word twice in the same sentence.
You just did too.
  That is so weird that I didn't even notice that I did that.  Same word four times one sentence!
Dude you're in the zone!

That guy in 204 asked me if I wanted to finish his fried chicken!
  But you love fried chicken.
And I ate that badboy like it was my last meal, but I wasn't happy about it.

What just happened?
  Do you want to put your hands on the back of your head like you do when you're upset?
I do, a little.

I say we cut off Kelso's legs and we count the rings.
  That only works on trees.
And puppets!

That almost burned me.  Know what I would have done if it did?  Burn for a burn, baby!  That's in the Bible.
  Hooch is crazy!

Write this down instead.  I John Dorian, write it down, am a ridiculous thirtytwo year old overgrown infant.  I mean my god two weeks ago you were asking everybody if you should grow up.  And here I thought you were having some big epiphany, you were gonna be more of an adult now that you have a child. My bad. Oh and, if I forgot to congratulate you, let me do that now.  Way to go.  We are all super proud of you.

What has two thumbs, a funny voice, and still doesn't give a crap?  Bob Kelso!  I added the funny voice to keep it fresh.

You're old!  Yes, I've been saying that every time the doors open for the last two hours, and I finally got my man.Come up, give it up, little something….still got time, we'll do it later!

Are you following me?  Because I will cut you.

The Winstons aren't ready to litigate yet but they're still angry.  You need to mitigate the situation because they have a really good lawyer.
  Honestly Ted I'm just surprised you know the difference between litigate and mitigate.
They're lawyer taught me!  I'm telling you, the guy's really good!

I really don't want to go into mitigation on this one!  Wait…yeah, that's right.

I'm about to use the toilet right now.  So I hope you all are happy with the order you're standing in right now.  Because if you follow me in there, that is the order that I am going to kill you.  Oh yeah, today's gonna be a good day!  Yes it is!

You read my private personnel file?
  You can read mine if you want.  Of course it says my name is Captain Billy Stinkwater and I'm half gopher.

Getting older comes with tons of perks, I mean you command more respect, you get discounts.
  People think it's adorable when you toot?
    Look, I don't care about getting older.  *toot*
Awwww!
  See?

I'm not talking to you.
  If it was anybody else I'd say thank you and let it die, but since it's you I gotta know what I don't get.

Well it's like last year when the safety break failed on Enid's wheelchair and she started rolling towards the pool, I told myself "Bob it's already too late to stop it so you might as well sit back and enjoy it."

So Bob, I just dropped by to tell you we need to find an interim orthopedic surgeon.  Apparently Doctor Hooch was involved in some kind of hostage situation.
  Well Hooch is crazy.

Who cares about losing your childhood, I damn sure didn't.
  Maybe because your parents were violently abusive alcoholics.  Not that there's anything wrong with that!  It was probably very exciting.

Yeah, the only thing I hate worse than simultaneous speaking is when people try to get me to finish their sentences.

So Bob, as you know it's our policy to have administrators step down when they reach 65.  Over the next few months we'll be searching for your replacement.
  Do me a favor and keep this between us.

More Scrubs Quotes

And I apparently mean that literally. Bill Lawrence, creator of Scrubs, claims that Tara Reid was his least favorite guest star on the show because she stank of booze, and she smokes. I like how the article says that calls to Tara Reid's people went unanswered, as if they needed confirmation that she's a boozehound. Open a tabloid, people!

Also in the article is a story about a censored dream sequence where Turk loses a testicle and the boys go shopping at BallMart. No word on whether the censoring was done because of the anatomical reference or because it would piss off WalMart. Given that they once did a dream sequence where Turk was a cow and JD milked him, I'm gonna go ahead and assume the latter.

Wow, what in the world has Christa Miller (Jordan) done to herself?  Is it the nose, or the lips?  She looks painfully awful.  Everything about her now, her looks, her character, her voice, all make me want her scenes to be over.

By the way, if you're wondering why "Laverne" is suddenly back, here's the gossip – the actress who played Laverne (Aloma Wright, although I think I'm spelling that wrong) was talked into getting killed off with the thought that last season was the final season. So when they got picked up for another season, the producers felt that she'd gotten screwed. So they wrote her back in. I admire the loyalty, but still wish they hadn't done it.

Once again, Dr. Kelso gets the best line of the week with "Did she just call me Bob?  I will kick her again!"

I don't even like waterparks.  I mean I did, until someone thought it'd be funny to go down the slide two seconds after me.
  Dude the lifeguard told me to go.
Really!  Did he also tell you to take your trunks off, Turk?  Because the last thing a guy wants to see when he's in a splash pool is his best friend's junk headed towards him at forty miles an hour.  Felt like I got pistol whipped.

Why do you call these babies?
  It could be that when I was a kid I didn't have any toys.  I used to make my own toys, as a matter of fact.  And I would take the toilet paper rolls, draw little faces on them, name em, surround myself with them and hope they'd protect me.  I went out to the side of the road to try and sell them one time, make a little money on my own, you know?  But no one bought any, and when I came home everyone was gone.

You know how you and I don't talk so much?  If you're wondering whether that makes me happy or sad, it makes me happy.

Oops, missed a spot.  Sad for you!

Mmmmm, first spill of the day!

Snoop Dogg attending!  Where my ho's at?

Hey, Teddy.  Looking bald and sweaty.
  Putting my smile away…..and on with the day.

Yeah, that looks like a healthy bone.
  Speaking of healthy bones?
    Perry?
  One second, ma'am.  I've got one in my pants.  He's all yours.

What have you been doing all day?
  Right up until this very second I've been avoiding you.

I'm taking the kids to my mothers for the weekend.  And seeing's how you're not allowed within forty feet of her house…
  The restraining order.
Christmas memories!

If they do this at all sporting events, I'm gonna start going.  Yay!

For some reason the car was half an hour early.
  Yeah.  That was me.

Sometimes you've just gotta say, what the fudge.
  That's not the line.
I saw it on a plane.

I feel like I'm looking at Laverne again.  You just got yourself a new nickname, missy.  See ya later, Lavernagin.

I want to take her to the homeland.
  Baby you're from Chicago, why don't you just get her a deepdish pizza?

Turk I was referring to the Dominican Republic and if you say isn't that where I bought my wrinklefree chinos, I may kill you.

Go to hell, Bob.
  I didn't even say anything!

Kicking me under the table's not gonna make me leave either.
  I did it.  You talk too much.
    Say Bob?  Sorry about that go to hell thing, earlier.
We cool.

Did she just call me Bob?  I will kick her again.

You see, I'm a lot of things.  I'm a scorpio, a registered independent, a foodie, a parrothead, yup I do love that Jimmy Buffet always have always will, a leg man…
  A right bastard.
Thank you, Bob, but I can assure you the one thing I am not is
  Straight?
Audience participation is now over.

You're such a man of the people, do you even know anybody's real name?

Snoop, I'd hoped you legally changed your name to Snoop.  Never got around to that?

(Ok you can get this one, I know it's just like Beardface but not Beardface.  Oh, yeah.) Beardmouth!
  It's BeardFahSay, damnit!

Daddy?  Gramma says you once peed in the garden.
  Guilty.

I heard Jordan's staying away the whole week now?  We've been texting ever since we both found out we're both nervous pooers.  I turned her on to one soundproofer so talented even someone with their ear to your door can't hear when you fluffy.
  Interesting.  When she gets back you to should see about getting together and having a crazy off.
I'm gonna text her that you said that.

Say, Ted, these are all just blank pieces of white paper?
  Shhhh!  You need to look busy.

Hello, tall dark and whatever.
  Handsome.
No.
  Well done, Dr. John "I Think I'm A Man Of The People But Now Thanks To The Janitor Everyone Knows I'm A Fraud And I Have Egg On My Face" Dorian.  That's your clever new nickname.
(Oh my god, you finally have a nickname!)

If I win, you have to do my job for a day.
  And if I win?
I have to do my job for a day.
  How is that fair?
I'll actually do my job, for a day.
  Ohhh, deal!  Do you know how?
It's been awhile.

Ok Dr. John "I Think I'm A Man Of The People But Now Thanks To The Janitor Everyone Knows I'm A Fraud And I Have Egg On My Face" Dorian.
   Very funny.  (Perfect!  Pretend you hate the nickname, that way it'll stick.)

Who's this?
  It's a doctor, I think it's Patrick, or Paul…
It's Gwen.  Although she does have a mean case of manface.

Dr. Cox I just want to throw this out there, it feels really good to be your student again.
  Take that back, or I am going to shove every one of these polaroids down your throat.
(Back to best friends it is!)

Like this guy.  Look at him.  Now, there's no way he's ever going to make love to a woman unless that woman is dead.  And dead rhymes with Ted.  Ted.
  That's how most people remember it.

What was your mnemonic device for remembering my name?
  Do you really want to know?
Do I?
  No.

(And arm around him….oh my god, is this what heaven is like?)

I do need to learn more about my heritage.  So I called my mom, and she said somehow, distantly, I'm related to the guy who invented peanuts.
  Turk, that's George Washington Carver, and he didn't invent peanuts, he just thought of uses for them.
I'm talking about the little foam packaging peanuts.  How dumb do you think I am?

You just don't get what's really bothering me.
  Couple days ago you dreamed in English.  Three years of marriage and I'm starting to pay attention.

It's bad enough that when people look at my daughter they only see your African princess. They think she's black, not half black half Latina.
  That's not true.
Oh really?  Watch.  Sir.  What race would you say this baby is?
    Well, half black, half Latina, most likely Dominican origin.  Then again I am the new hospital geneticist.

I like the way I was.
  Oh you mean the giant jackass that nobody can stand to be around for more than twenty seconds.
Yes.  I love that guy.
    Me too.

All right.  He looks like a serial killer, which is a kind of cereal I'd want to stay away from, like oat bran.  Brandon.

Ok, Snoop Dogg attending.  I saw him without his pants on once and he has crazy skinny legs, like french fries.  French fries are sold at McDonalds, whose founder is Ronald McDonald.  Ronald.
  Saw him without his pants on once?

Ok Jordan, you win.  I miss you guys.
  I miss you too, Daddy!
Jordan?  Would you like to say the same thing?
    I would not.
  She would not.

Colonel Doctor.  I call him that because he looks like that Kentucky Fried Chicken guy.  KFC makes coleslaw.  Coleman Slawsky.  Incidentally my favorite name ever.

It's like this ammonia is seeping into my brain and making me violent and angry and hateful.
  Yup, that's how it starts.
What the hell are you looking at?
  Nice.
That felt good.

More Scrubs Quotes

GREAT episode, loved it!  I like how they managed to make it serious, get some real character issues going, while not making it feel over the top and manufactured like most of last season.  The Dr. Cox / Elliot storyline was stupid, but the rest was very good. Janitor and Ted played excellent roles.  And did everybody catch all the throwbacks?

• Way back in Season 1 (I think), Carla told Dr. Cox he has crazy eyes (in the episode where Carla's mom broke her leg).  Here a patient tells him.
• Carla's reference that "I just gave you this same speech two weeks ago" along with a flashback literally to the scene from the episode two weeks ago where she did exactly that.
• JD's brother surprised him last time as well by disguising himself as a patient (when his face was all wrapped in gauze and the Janitor told a story to keep JD busy so that he could watch).

(Nothing in my life could compare to this.)  I'm a dad.
  That's not your kid.
I know, but he reminds me of Sam.
  That's a girl!
Stop ruining it, why do you have to ruin things!  I'm having a moment here!

Since Keith and I broke up I haven't been eating or sleeping well, so I'm down a dress size.
  You look like you've been sick.
Turk that's so sweet.

Damn you Carla and your giant rubber stamps!

Hey, I just dropped my mom off at the mall.  She sits on the seat and then holds on by tucking her hands inside my bike shorts.
  That's disgusting.
Yeah.  Doesn't feel right.

Yeah, I let it run all day so I can leave the air conditioner on.  That way it's nice and cool when I drive home. I gotta gas up sometimes over lunch, but it's worth it.

You know what really sucks?
  Being trapped in an elevator with you while you whine about your stupid life?

Plus, I'm making that 40 minute drive on a scooter.  And if I ever want to bring Sam here, I can't, because his stupid flopsy baby neck isn't strong enough to wear a helmet.

Zombie hug!!

Christopher, thanks again for your help.
 Hey man, if it involves making JD scream like a little girl I am there for you man.

AHHHHHH I'm a monster!
  Takes more planning than that.
    That must be embarrassing for you.
Damnit!

You just told a patient to reduce stress and then you yelled at an intern over coffee?
  You are going to be a huge help when it comes time to write my memoirs.

My first step was going with all hemp underwear, it's awesome!  Except when the hemp oil seeps into your bloodstream, then it's awesomer!

Make it snappy jumpsuit, I'm already late for my nap.

I would like to volunteer my services as environmental officer.
  Will it cost me anything?
No.
  Knock yourself out, hippie.
Groovy.

(Yup, nothing makes my life feel less crappy than hanging out with my loser bro.)

Good question, Turk.
  Thanks.  How come you don't point out when I ask good questions?
    Because I don't love you like he does.
Told you!

If you're doing so well how come you made me buy you lunch?
  I was unaware we needed a reason to score a free meal.

I heard you passed out at work?
  Yeah.  I saw a ghost!
Really?  No way!
  No, but I have to come up with something.  It was so embarrassing.
Ooo, tell people it was your mother's ghost!
  I can't, my mom's still alive.
Bummer.

If you leave a light on I make you eat a battery, or lick a lightbulb.  Your choice.

Bam!
  I'm gonna go with "Ow."

Remember!  Give a hoot!  Don't litter.

Nononono!  Put me the frick down!  Don't you dare put me on that frickin scale!

You!  Come over here and read this number.
  No!  Boom, I will kill your family!  Say goodbye to Baby Boom!

Hypocrisy thy name is….Boom, do you want to finish that for me?  No?  Not smart enough to follow?  It's you, Barbie.  Hypocrisy thy name is you.

You come here with your new job and you give me a car?
 So what?
(Don't say it.)  You're supposed to be the loser, not me.

You know what, JD?  You need to grow up.

He's got crazy eyes.
  I do.  And I'm ok with it.

He expects me to make you drink my mop water.  But since my bucket's all the way downstairs I'm gonna let you off with a warning, provided you promise never to tell Ted.  Yes?
  No.
I'm gonna take that as a yes.  That's it, drink it down, baby, suds too!  You've learned your lesson.

Do you think I need to grow up?
  Wow.  You dream your whole life for that moment and then when it comes you're just, you're just not ready for it.  Here goes.  The answer is a sincere, emphatic, 100% definitive never been so sure of anything in my life unequivocal, yes.  And the fact that you came to me means everyone else thinks so too.  Am I right?

Wow.  It's not every doctor that'd take a hot bod like yours and go all jiggly for a patient.

Hey!  Why wouldn't you throw that in recycling?
  The recycling bin is way over there!
What happened to you?  You were gonna change the world, man?
  I've learned to pick my battles in this world, otherwise you fight and you fight and one day you look in the mirror and there's an old man looking back at you and you have to ask yourself was it all worth it?
It's been thirty six hours!

I'm going to say something to you that's been said to me by every person I've ever loved.  I'm really disappointed in you, you are pathetic and weak and I don't love you anymore, get out!

Have you even babyproofed your apartment or learned how to change a diaper?
  Aren't there instructions on the box?

You want to know the weird defect you both have that made you screw up like this? 
  Please.
You're both human.
    Janitors aren't human.
They are.  And Elliot, I'm really annoyed with you because I gave you this lecture two weeks ago.

Janitors don't whine.  Oh, wait, yes we do.  That's our thing.

You know, JD, you were the one who told me to get my life together in the first place.
  Yeah but I never thought you'd do it.
That's a lovely sentiment.

Damnit, the next time you guys get pastry crumbs all over my car you had better bring a scone for the driver!

(As for me I always assumed growing up happened automatically as you got older.  But it's really something you have to choose to do.  I guess I'm finally on my way.)

He looks like dad.
  I know.

More Scrubs Quotes

Wow, lousy episode all around.  Usually the birth of a baby is a good episode, but this one just had nothing going for it.  That whole "Am I a bad person for breaking up with the mother of my baby who I don't love" storyline just doesn't sit well with me. 

(My last few days have all started the same.  Saying this to Kim,) You're amazing! (And then whispering this,) I love you, (to our baby and hoping that Kim wasn't wondering why I hadn't said the same thing to her.)

He doesn't want to be treated by interns, with the i dotted with a little heart and a little frownie face at the end.  It's incredible.  Your handwriting's actually more annoying than your voice.

Regardless, you interns are the future of this hospital.  If you don't treat patients, you won't learn.  What I want you to do is walk over to Mr. Setzer and say these words, "I'm your doctor.  Deal with it."  Can you say that? 

Why you looking so sad, Vanilla Wafer?

Is Izzie in her room?
  (Turk hadn't checked, so he had a 50/50 chance of answering correctly.)
    Sleeping like an angel.
Really?  Because she's on my back!
  (That's unfortunate.)

Carla let him finish!
  You can have it.
Family comes first, Turk.

That's my baby pager.  I'm having a baby!
  Oh my god I'm gonna be a bluncle!

I understand you'll be wanting an epidural?
  Yes.  But I hate pain so much I'm hoping there's a pill you can give me so that getting the epidural itself won't hurt.

Why does she think I'm joking?  I hate her and her chipmunky face.
  Kim your quiet voice is a little louder than usual.

I'll be in charge of the epidural and as soon as you're ready I'll have you so numb you'll feel like you're passing a marshmallow.
  But that sounds sticky and uncomfortable!
Passing a unicorn.
  That's a big horse with a horn!
Passing a rainbow.
  That's better.

Over the next couple of years plenty of doctors and going to be poking and prodding her, and I would like her to see me as her father and not another white coat that she will forever associate with pain.
  Totally legitimate argument, if three month olds didn't have the memory of an earthworm.

I would, Turkleton, but I only play Pacman and that carjack game.  There's nothing like scoring a caddy and mowing down street ho's.

What are your thoughts on cloth diapers?  Because if we got black ones with orange spots our kid would look like Bam Bam.

All the best there, Kim.  Please note the entire world is hoping that all the dominant genes are yours.

(There's no way Kim remembers what we were talking about.  Hell I don't even remember what we were talking about.)  What were we talking about?
  I was asking how you're feeling about us.
(Damnit!)

I've been working up the courage to tell you that I'm falling-
  Don't say it!
Why not?
  I think you're amazing, I'm just not ready to say it back yet.
That makes sense.  I really hurt you, it makes sense that you would need more time to get there.
  (Bullet dodged.)
Ah what the hell.  JD, I love you.
  Cool.

We heard that you were waiting for the pediatrician.  He's at home, so we paged him and he said we should give your daughter the shot ourselves.
  There is no way in hell that I'm letting an incompetent intern touch my child.
But you said that we are the future of the hospital and we need to learn.
  You need to learn on patients not related to me.  Ones that I don't care if you kill or maim.

Ok all we have to do here is kill space goblins.
  And what's my motivation?
Your motivation is to kill space goblins.

Forgive me, space goblin.  If it were not for the novice setting and the 10 cups of coffee I had earlier today you might have bested me in the marsh of Kathrik.  We're not too different, you and I, despite your arm mounted cannon and your insatiable taste for human flesh.
  You realize while you're talking his alien buddies are shooting you in the face?
Well that's just rude.

So you think you could ever be in love with me?
  (Let it go, woman!)  Kim let's focus on having a baby.
Answer the question.
  (Lie to her.)
And don't lie to me.
  Look I think you're amazing, right?  I think I've mentioned that.  And even though I'm not in love with you right now, I really hope I wake up one day feeling what you said you feel even though I kinda asked you not to say it.
Do you really hope that?
  With all my heart.
Because I always dreamed of finding a guy who hoped he could fall in love with me someday.
  Really?  That's kinda weird.

There's a lot of guys out there who think I'm a good catch!  The words "cute as a button" have been thrown around on more than one occasion!
  I know, Kim.  You're amazing.
Stop calling me amazing!

Would you even be with me if I wasn't dropping this kid?
  I don't know how to answer that.
I think you just did.  You know what?  We're done.

I deserve to be with somebody who doesn't cross his fingers and hope that he falls in love with me, maybe, someday.

I hate you so much right now JD!
  Don't worry, all women say that stuff during labor, she doesn't mean it.
I do.  He just broke up with me.
  What?
    Nono, technically I didn't break up with her, I just told her I don't love her.
      Who did he say that to?
  The mother of his baby!

Man, she looks familiar.

Look I know that I called you at home and threatened to kill your dog, but thanks for coming in Dr. Callahan.
  No problem, it's not like you need a lot of sleep to practice medicine on small children.

I can't believe you're stlll playing this stupid game.
  Hit him with the fire sabre!
    Hit him with the lamp.
      There's no lamp in this game, sir.
    I was talking to your wife.  Hit Turkleton with this lamp.

I would give her a shot, Perry, but this is scotch and I'm all Hasselhoffed out.

That sounded like criticism, and I don't respond well to criticism.
  Whatever, you still suck.
I'm out.

Oh, that's disgusting!
  Hey Keith.
Burn in hell.

You're having a baby!  Want to do a celebratory jump hug?
  Nah, Turk Carla and I tried one earlier?  Turned out to be lame.
Oh please, you probably loved it and just don't want to admit it.
  (God she knows me!)

Do you have the time to give my daughter a shot now that you've ruined your life?
  Will you talk me through what I'm going through?
Absolutely not.

But if you use the words "emotional rollercoaster" I am O U T.
  Deal.  I just feel like I'm on this emotional……ride.

I swear you could line up a hundred gay men and Harrison would pick out the attention starved bipolar ex-con every time.

Of course you had to break up with him, no one you love should ever sell your car without asking and then blow the money on meth.

You're a piece of crap!
  You're doing great!
I hate your hair.
  Impossible, nobody does.

Are you two ready to be parents?
  (And right then I couldn't help but wonder…are you ever?)

More Scrubs Quotes

Congratulations and best wishes to Dr. Cox, aka John C. McGinley ("Johnny C") and his wife Nicole Kessler who announced recently that they're having a baby girl, due Feb 2. McGinley has a 10yr old son, Max, from a previous marriage.

Don't forget, Scrubs Final Season Premiere NEXT WEEK, October 25, 2007!