Wow, lousy episode all around. Usually the birth of a baby is a good episode, but this one just had nothing going for it. That whole "Am I a bad person for breaking up with the mother of my baby who I don't love" storyline just doesn't sit well with me.
(My last few days have all started the same. Saying this to Kim,) You're amazing! (And then whispering this,) I love you, (to our baby and hoping that Kim wasn't wondering why I hadn't said the same thing to her.)
He doesn't want to be treated by interns, with the i dotted with a little heart and a little frownie face at the end. It's incredible. Your handwriting's actually more annoying than your voice.
Regardless, you interns are the future of this hospital. If you don't treat patients, you won't learn. What I want you to do is walk over to Mr. Setzer and say these words, "I'm your doctor. Deal with it." Can you say that?
Why you looking so sad, Vanilla Wafer?
Is Izzie in her room?
(Turk hadn't checked, so he had a 50/50 chance of answering correctly.)
Sleeping like an angel.
Really? Because she's on my back!
(That's unfortunate.)
Carla let him finish!
You can have it.
Family comes first, Turk.
That's my baby pager. I'm having a baby!
Oh my god I'm gonna be a bluncle!
I understand you'll be wanting an epidural?
Yes. But I hate pain so much I'm hoping there's a pill you can give me so that getting the epidural itself won't hurt.
Why does she think I'm joking? I hate her and her chipmunky face.
Kim your quiet voice is a little louder than usual.
I'll be in charge of the epidural and as soon as you're ready I'll have you so numb you'll feel like you're passing a marshmallow.
But that sounds sticky and uncomfortable!
Passing a unicorn.
That's a big horse with a horn!
Passing a rainbow.
That's better.
Over the next couple of years plenty of doctors and going to be poking and prodding her, and I would like her to see me as her father and not another white coat that she will forever associate with pain.
Totally legitimate argument, if three month olds didn't have the memory of an earthworm.
I would, Turkleton, but I only play Pacman and that carjack game. There's nothing like scoring a caddy and mowing down street ho's.
What are your thoughts on cloth diapers? Because if we got black ones with orange spots our kid would look like Bam Bam.
All the best there, Kim. Please note the entire world is hoping that all the dominant genes are yours.
(There's no way Kim remembers what we were talking about. Hell I don't even remember what we were talking about.) What were we talking about?
I was asking how you're feeling about us.
(Damnit!)
I've been working up the courage to tell you that I'm falling-
Don't say it!
Why not?
I think you're amazing, I'm just not ready to say it back yet.
That makes sense. I really hurt you, it makes sense that you would need more time to get there.
(Bullet dodged.)
Ah what the hell. JD, I love you.
Cool.
We heard that you were waiting for the pediatrician. He's at home, so we paged him and he said we should give your daughter the shot ourselves.
There is no way in hell that I'm letting an incompetent intern touch my child.
But you said that we are the future of the hospital and we need to learn.
You need to learn on patients not related to me. Ones that I don't care if you kill or maim.
Ok all we have to do here is kill space goblins.
And what's my motivation?
Your motivation is to kill space goblins.
Forgive me, space goblin. If it were not for the novice setting and the 10 cups of coffee I had earlier today you might have bested me in the marsh of Kathrik. We're not too different, you and I, despite your arm mounted cannon and your insatiable taste for human flesh.
You realize while you're talking his alien buddies are shooting you in the face?
Well that's just rude.
So you think you could ever be in love with me?
(Let it go, woman!) Kim let's focus on having a baby.
Answer the question.
(Lie to her.)
And don't lie to me.
Look I think you're amazing, right? I think I've mentioned that. And even though I'm not in love with you right now, I really hope I wake up one day feeling what you said you feel even though I kinda asked you not to say it.
Do you really hope that?
With all my heart.
Because I always dreamed of finding a guy who hoped he could fall in love with me someday.
Really? That's kinda weird.
There's a lot of guys out there who think I'm a good catch! The words "cute as a button" have been thrown around on more than one occasion!
I know, Kim. You're amazing.
Stop calling me amazing!
Would you even be with me if I wasn't dropping this kid?
I don't know how to answer that.
I think you just did. You know what? We're done.
I deserve to be with somebody who doesn't cross his fingers and hope that he falls in love with me, maybe, someday.
I hate you so much right now JD!
Don't worry, all women say that stuff during labor, she doesn't mean it.
I do. He just broke up with me.
What?
Nono, technically I didn't break up with her, I just told her I don't love her.
Who did he say that to?
The mother of his baby!
Man, she looks familiar.
Look I know that I called you at home and threatened to kill your dog, but thanks for coming in Dr. Callahan.
No problem, it's not like you need a lot of sleep to practice medicine on small children.
I can't believe you're stlll playing this stupid game.
Hit him with the fire sabre!
Hit him with the lamp.
There's no lamp in this game, sir.
I was talking to your wife. Hit Turkleton with this lamp.
I would give her a shot, Perry, but this is scotch and I'm all Hasselhoffed out.
That sounded like criticism, and I don't respond well to criticism.
Whatever, you still suck.
I'm out.
Oh, that's disgusting!
Hey Keith.
Burn in hell.
You're having a baby! Want to do a celebratory jump hug?
Nah, Turk Carla and I tried one earlier? Turned out to be lame.
Oh please, you probably loved it and just don't want to admit it.
(God she knows me!)
Do you have the time to give my daughter a shot now that you've ruined your life?
Will you talk me through what I'm going through?
Absolutely not.
But if you use the words "emotional rollercoaster" I am O U T.
Deal. I just feel like I'm on this emotional……ride.
I swear you could line up a hundred gay men and Harrison would pick out the attention starved bipolar ex-con every time.
Of course you had to break up with him, no one you love should ever sell your car without asking and then blow the money on meth.
You're a piece of crap!
You're doing great!
I hate your hair.
Impossible, nobody does.
Are you two ready to be parents?
(And right then I couldn't help but wonder…are you ever?)