Entries Tagged 'Scrubs' ↓

Great episode.  Very quotable material.  And some nice drama, and plot continuations. Not too much silliness at all. 

It was a day of discovery.  I discovered that I could sex my pregnant girlfriend into a coma.  Nice!

A coffee place in a hospital?  What's next, Bob, an ice cream parlor in the morgue?  Admittedly not a horrible idea seeing's how the freezer is already down there.  Plus it'd be a perfect place for kids.  One of our famous vanilla malteds definitely takes the sting out of having to identify the charred remains of your father.

Awww, now I'm at the end of both lines!

I love this job.  I screw up, nobody gets hurt.  Except Cindy.  I scalded her pretty bad with some steamed milk.  You could see the bone.

Hey Kim, just checking to see if your socks are back on since I knocked them off last night, Hello!  What am I doing, you're gonna be the mother of my child.  That is so tacky.
  And so is this:  Way to hit that, playa!

I'm not telling Isabella she's got a vagina until she's 18!
  That's gonna be an awkward birthday party.
Do not tell my daughter she has a vagina!  I'm serious!
    It may have already come up.

This is my wife Sally.  She lost her thumbs last month when our pet Komodo Dragon Morty got out of his cage.
  On the bright side you have beautiful nubs.

A tip jar.  Really.  What am I supposed to do, just duke you my change because you poured hot water through beans?  Well I'll tell you what my friend, unless you're planning on giving me a complimentary reacharound with my beverage the answer is 'Yeah…no.'  Here's a novel idea, why don't you go fetch me a large coffee with so damned many fake sugars in it that the coffee itself gets cancer?

He is private practice.  Those guys are cocky jackasses who don't give two shakes about anybody else's opinion but their own.  They're me, with one addendum:  they're whores.  And I'm not talking about the good kind of whores like my ex-wife.  They're whores for money.
  Is that a tip jar?
Look.  I'm figuring that if those lunks down at the coffee store can have one, I can too.

Sneak attack.  You can put your shoes on again guys, nice work.

None of here even have kids, except for Margo here, and she sold hers.

Damn, we got smoked.  That's what we get for playing a bunch of G's from the hood.
  Those guys are Indian.
So Rajeesh isn't one of those cool black-only names like Amforni?
  No.  Rajeesh is like Steve in India.

Come on VJ, first you dunk on me and yell "Who's your bitch?" and now you want free medical advice?  How did I not know these guys were Indian?

I have a non-fat latte with room for Shnapps for…janitor.
  Nice braces.  You're not worried about spider monkeys?  Spider monkeys see intricate metalwork as a display of dominance.  It's a threat to them.  They'll tear your eyes out.

So, Dr. Turner said that I am a very talented young physician.
  Jordan said I'm the only man she ever wants to have sex with.  Aren't we sharing fantastic lies we choose to believe for personal reasons?

I'm just gonna go ahead and tip myself calling this one.  Thank you, me.

Turk, I need you and I need you now.
  Isabella, this is the man you'll be competing with for your father's love.
Coochie coochie coo.  Turk, now.
    Baby he's using his emergency tone.

My breasts are so sore, I wish I could just give you formula.
  Formula's bad for the baby.  Boob milk is better.

Now how about somebody gets me a banana nut muffin and hold the spit, please.

I was saying the two most addictive substances on earth are caffeine, and nicotine.  Behold!  Smokeachino, for Kyle.

Are you crazy? You can get sued.  Secondly, I can't believe you went to the mall without me, I specifically told you I needed to buy loafers.  And thirdly, how could you go to the mall without me?  That's our thing.

If I got to be right, and have a private practice doctor get to die due to his own idiocy, I'd call that a pretty full victory.

I thought that you hated him!
  When it comes to torturing you, everybody's on the same page.

Remember that first week, when I found you hooking up with my girlfriend?  And you said you guys were only naked underneath the covers because you'd had a water balloon fight and you were cold?
  JD for the last time nothing happened.
Please, this isn't about that.  Just that I looked all over, I never found any balloons.  You think there'd be some balloons.

I look at Isabella and I get really scared.  And I'm gonna need you to help me through this.
  Well that really sucks cause I was counting on you to make it look easy so I know I can handle it when my turn comes.
Awesome.

You're gonna be just fine.
  I suppose so.
Totally fine.
  Yeah.
Would you mind telling me that I'm gonna be fine Turk, am I gonna be fine?  I think I'm gonna be fine.
  Well I would but I don't know how much you like Kim.
I really like her.
  Then you're gonna be fine.

I got offered a new job.
  Cool, is it over at county? Because that way I can drop you off every morning.
It's in Tacoma, Washington.
  Oh.  That's gonna be a little rough on my scooter.

[Also available on YouTube, of course]

I just don't understand Christmas, I guess.  I like getting my holiday rectal exam, and sending letterbomb Christmas cards, and decorating my penis with tinsel.  But I'm still not happy.

You know newbie, you're the only person I know besides the drunk Santa outside the five and dime who can take a wonderful season like Christmas and turn it into a problem.  Of all the Lucy, Sally and Peppermint Patties in the world, you are by far the most pathetic.  You're pathetic, you're just pathetic.  You're embarassingly pathetic.  You're beyond pathetic, you're a pathetic's pathetic.

How about some pity sex, Laverne?
  You know I shacked up with a man before I was married.  His name was Jesus.
Don't you know sarcasm when you hear it?  Call me?

All I'm sayin' baby is that you wearin all those layers is tough on me.  You with your sweater and your thermals and your jacket, hiding all your goodies and your whatnots.

But I like urinating my name in snow!  Almost as much as I like touching myself.

The holidays are great!  Remember the time we got jacked up on morphine and jammed all night?
  I wasn't invited.
Well, what about the year we all sat around the Christmas tree and beatboxed?
  I wasn't invited that time, either.

I've been looking for you, JD!  I went a little overboard on the eggnog, and now my hands don't work.  So could you please write me a prescription?

I love the holidays.  Except of course the year when I was 9 and my parents got me a Nancy Reagan "Just Say No" poster, and I asked what I was saying no to, and they said "legwarmers, a five-figure job and sex with minorities", oh and over dinner my mother yelled at my father because she learned that in college he played Santa at the local mall and ended up in the back of giftwrapping department with a ho-ho-ho, which then drove him to go a little overboard on the eggnog, which…I can't feel my legs.

Hey newbie, if a tree falls in a forest, and no one is around to hear it, are you still a dumbass?
  Yes.  Wait, no!  No!  Oh, good grief.

Now listen up, baby.  This is the music I wrote for the Christmas party.
  Speaking of Christmas, what did you get me this year?  Well Turk?
Now listen up, baby.  This is the music I wrote you for Christmas.

Time to deck the halls with your incompetence.

Let me think, where would be a good place for this nice tree of yours.  How about up your ass?

DJ, your twig went limp.

I can't hang my shiny balls on that!  Dude, high five!

This might just take attention away from my failures as a human.  Compared to that tree I'm huge and powerful.

Buckle up, Charlize.  I'll tell you what Christmas is all about.  Lights, please.  Here's the deal, newbie.  You can stuff your stockings with shiny toys from now until you grow some testicles.  But until that stocking is filled with friendship, loyalty, love and devotion well it's just plum empty.  And no you can't purchase those things at Laura Ashleigh and no you can't win them in the Redbook Giveaway Extravaganza and gee, sorry if these aren't things that you can wind up and watch spin for eight hours.  Let me make this exceptionally clear.  Christmas is about love. You can't live without other people's love.  Not during Christmas, not ever.  So go spend that time with your friends and family, and if they laugh at you, laugh with them.  And if they laugh at you again, hit em and go find some new friends.   But for the love of god, Jesus, Mary, Joseph and his amazing technicolor dreamcoat, don't ever forget this newbie.  You have to give love to get love, so start giving.  Now.  That's what Christmas is all about, there, newbie.

Maybe it's not about how big your tree is, but who you choose to sit around the tree with.  Maybe I don't care that I just ended a sentence with a preposition.

And God, you're invited too.  Ooo boy, imagine if God actually showed up.  The Lord.  The Almighty.  The Big Guy..or, Girl Upstairs.  The Head Honcho.  The Storm Maker.  The Big Cheese.  I like cheese.  Not that stuff in a can.  But give me a cheese log rolled in nuts and I am in Heaven.

 More Scrubs Quotes

Wow, that's a long title. It's baby time!

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Hooray!  Scrubs is back!  I love the creativity of this show.  Here, major characters (including janitor) are teamed up with a patient, where each is playing a dual role to show the whole "doctors see themselves in their patients" thing.  I don't think they needed to do the morphing special effect, wasn't it obvious?

But what was up with Blue Man Group?  Talk about pointless stuntcasting. And what the hell did Dr. Cox do to his hair? How in the world is Jordan letting him walk around like that?

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