Thanks for the ride Lloyd, this DUI is such a hassle.
Been there bro. Been there.
Alcohol?
Crack.
Oh babe, I didn't want whipped cream.
Oh well let me fix it for you, babe.
And this isn't soy.
Sucks to be you.I'll go get your coffee.
Do you know how lucky you are to have a husband?
My mom thinks I should test his love by saying I'm knocked up. If he doesn't propose on the spot, I just demand that he gives me six hundred dollars for the abortion, dump him, and ease my sadness with a brand new pair of Jimmy Chus. That's how she got her rad shoe collection in college.
Thanks for the biscotti, Obi Brown.
No problem, Luke.
I really want to rent this place but once I told the landlord about my DUI and how I sometimes pass out when I poo he said I need someone to co-sign the lease, what's with that?
He was a beautiful black blur.
I'd love to put my ear on her butt and see if I could hear the ocean.
Brian, you're doing that thing where you say your thoughts out loud. It's a side effect of his injury. (It wasn't, but we've been having some fun since we came up with that.)
I'm gonna have your baby so hard, baby!
Good morning, reasons why I drink.
Oh these glasses, they're not prescription but I figured I'd wear 'em so I can fit in with you medical geeks.
(Cool, a new black resident! Oh, it's just Turk.) Hi Turk!
Brian can't hold small objects.
I had an ex-girlfriend that had the same problem. No she didn't. That's awkward.
Plus I'm a tent-dwelling poop-fainter who can't drive.
I have a fiberglass skull.
It's always a competition with you.
Were you thinking about me?
I always think about you when I'm in the box, you know that.
Living with a guy before marriage makes me feel too whorey.
You can live in separate states, but if you're doing the nasty before you get married, your ass is gonna burn.
Lupus…does she live on the second floor? Does she live upstairs from you? I think you have seen her before.
You "cut and run", if you will. That's right, it's not just a phrase used by political pundits who wear bowties. It is also the number one reason why all of you should pray to god, or in your case Rex, Moko the Samoan Bird King, that you never have to be treated by these flesh hungry butchers. Jenny, take his glasses as a trophy.
You wait, eventually you'll crave his approval and be just like me.
(And still, as I thought about Dr. Cox I knew JD was right.)
See?
Everything's awesome we're great everything's great.
What do you mean we're great? We haven't had box sex in days.
I don't see what's insane about not wanting spiders to lay eggs in my cornflakes, that's how Carla's mom died.
No it wasn't.
You're supposed to be my best friend!
Oh my God, how hard is it for you to use a frickin coaster you frickin fricky frick?!
Here's the deal Keith, my house my rules.
I thought this was our place.
No Keith, this is my place. You just rent a room.
Presenting the world's longest shush…. ShhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhI'm gonna go ahead and stop, I'm not committing the way I normally do. I'm gonna go away, regroup, maybe seeya later.
(I knew right then that somehow I'd make Dr. Cox…)
Seriously dude stop doing that. That's my thing.
Every godawful year Enid's wheelchair rusts in the salt water, Harrison spends my money getting his hair braided by trannies, and I fall asleep in the sun. Don't page me.
Damned trannies got me in my sleep.
To mutton chops! Actually, these are fake. I did this to make a point. You have to think for yourself. Don't be a sheep, follow the fold. I want you to repeat after me: I think for myself.
I think for myself!
You can't tell me what to say.
You can't tell me what to say!
I won't say this.
I won't say this!
Lalalalalalala.
lalalalalalala.
Unbelievable.
Unbelievable.
So this patient has fever of 103, renal failure and platelets of 25,000. What is the diagnosis and management?
*Bam*, put em down! It's obvious the patient is septic. I'd treat him with an activated protein C. Boyakasha!
Dr. Turk that's just an excellent diagnosis. However, with his low platelet count treatment with activated protein C would cause what, class?
Brain hemorrhage.
And what would that cause?
His death! Sorry, I got so excited. People were yelling things out.
I recently broke up with my girlfriend who I impregnated on the first date. Don't worry, she miscarried. Ok. And I haven't even begun to think about asking anyone else out mostly because I'm concerned the stress lovemaking would put on my body would cause me to pass out, much like I do when I defecate.
Any last shots you want to take at me?
You have diabetes and you can't eat cupcakes.