Miscellaneous rambling, and bragging about my kids.

I am seriously behind in my blogging, so let's get right to the couples, what they danced to, and how they did.

Apolo Anton Ohno and  Julianne Hough (Two Hearts Living in Just One Mind)  Better than last week (where I said he wasn't as good as I'd expected him to be), the judges are clearly setting him up as the front runner.

Shandi Finnessey and Brian Fortuna (Right Now) She just doesn't really have the natural grace, and is pulling low scores.  She won't last long, although she might not be the first to go.

Clyde Drexler and Elena Grinenko (Your Love Keeps Lifting Me Higher)  All the judges say Clyde did well, but low scores don't back that up.  He could be in danger.

Leeza Gibbons and Tony Dovolani (Independent Women, Destiny's Child) Leeza's not really relaxing and getting into it.  Sure, she's 50, but John Ratzenberger is older than that and he's getting into the spirit.

Ian Ziering and Cheryl Burke (Don't Get Me Wrong, Pretenders) Ian drops to fourth place, looks like he's not much of a front runner after all.

Paulina Porizkova and Alec Mazo (La Bamba, Richie Valens)  After making a big deal out of the "death drop", it's really not that big of a deal.  Carrie Anne sums it up:  "I think it's very apparent this is not natural for your body."

Billy Ray Cyrus and Karina Smirnoff (Ring of Fire, Johnny Cash) Much improved from last week, but still at the bottom of the pack. People on the net are speaking of the "Disney vote" keeping him around since he plays somebody's dad on some show for the teenybopper set.  We shall see.

Heather Mills and Jonathan Roberts (Mambo Italiano)  I was worried about the mambo for Heather, thinking that she couldn't do any serious hip wiggling.  I was very wrong.  Not only did she survive it, she actually did very well.  She even included what I think is called a "back walkover" which is something nobody else tried.

John Ratzenberger and Edyta Sliwinska (The Lady Is A Tramp) Oh, I hate it when the old guys bust out the props (like John's pocketwatch).  It never bodes well in the long run, it just says "more time spent not dancing".  He does all right, that's about the best you can say.  He tried.  I think the difference between John and some of the other charismatic gentlemen like Springer, Hamilton and O'Hurley is that he's giving the opinion he really doesn't care if he gets eliminated.  The others all seemed like they were really trying hard and wanted to stay from week to week.  Ratzenberger is like "Hey, I come out and do what I do."

Laila Ali and Maksim Chmerkovskiy (I have no idea, it was not in English)  The judges just love Laila, but I don't see it.  Maybe they're digging on her mambo because she's got the most defined set of hips in the whole competition.  For me I can't get over the man voice.   The judges catapult her into the lead.  Will the audience get behind her as well?

Joey Fatone and Kym Johnson (Tell Her About It, Billy Joel)  The judges claim to love Joey, but his low score (24) doesn't seem to match that.  Since that still left him in second place you wonder if they deliberately put Laila out in front by giving her a 27.

Who is going home this week?  Seems like Billy Ray is the obvious choice, but who really knows.  Sometimes it's a matter of who the audience gets behind.  If that's the case then it could easily be Shandi or Paulina or even Leeza, none of them have really got the pizzazz to keep the camera focused on them.

What a fun show! I think Kathleen is just the greatest coreographer ever! I think all the contestants are talented, but I would like to see Max and Laura get the parts. I also think Austin get a part in the show. Can't wait to see who wins.

I am disappointed in the continuing transformation of Dr. Cox into Hawkeye Pierce.  After all the build up that Scrubs is going to kill off a cast member, do you mean to tell me that they're couching it in an episode that once again showcases Perry's angst at the world?  Was there a single argument that he made against religion that the rest of us didn't get bored with back in college?  Is an experienced doctor still having trouble with this? Bad things happen to good people.  Some folks choose to use this as a demonstration that there is no omnipotent being, and others say that there's always a reason for things, whether we understand it or not.  Check.  I don't believe at all his mania for trying to break Laverne's spirit.  Or worse that his mind could be so quickly changed by the comment about how they've been better than ever since the pre-natal surgery.  The big question now is whether they will continue the current story line to its logical conclusion, or if this is just a headfake to set us up for a real shocker.  I just wish I understood what we're supposed to get out of it.  Perry going to become a believer?  Not really in character for him.  He going to become ever angrier at the world for no consistent reason?  He's already got that.

The good news is that the other storylines and writing were very good this week.  It's a shame that some of the best bits (like JD grabbing Turk's leg, or Janitor's JD stare, or Kelso's "say it with this face") can't really be transcribed.

Can a doctor bring a patient's dog into the hospital?
  I'm going to say the same thing I said to my new gardener when he asked me for Easter off.  No way, Jose.  His name's actually Jose, that's why I hired him.

Wait what happened to all of your cleaning supplies?
  Actually that's a really funny story.
And?
  Nothing, I'm just looking at my cleaning supplies.  I got drunk last night and threw them up in that tree.

Just stay cool.
  No problemo.  Top of morning Doctor Walter Mickhead!  Snoop Dogg Resident, when we hitting the clubs, yo?  Oh Colonel Doctor, that tie looks finger-lickin good.
So natural.  Did you act in college?
  I did, thank you.

I need you to go to the video store and get me anything with Viggo Somethingsen.  I need white chocolate, strawberry seltzer, peppercorn brie and a polaroid of the tomato plant I planted last spring because I'm worried it may have snails.  Oh, and if you see that neighbor Lena from down the hall I want you to roll your eyes and say the word slut.  Under your breath, but loud enough so she can hear.  And don't forget to be home by six-thirty because you've got to give Jack his bath before you make my dinner!
  But, when will I have time to kill myself?

Skeptical air five!

My mom put a nanny-cam in my bathroom.  She said my baths were too long.

We did everything we could for your mom, but sometimes life just…
  Booooooobiesssss!
Gotta go.  Boobie horn.

Oh God, Keith and I haven't had sex in so long.
  Ok, you said the same thing when you saw me changing Izzie's diaper.  What are you and Keith doing to each other?

Why don't you hop aboard the what's up Dr. Cox's butt trolley and we can begin our tour.  Coming up on our left is my bloated, bed-ridden ex-wife who's not allowed to lift a finger, which thankfully leaves it all up to these guys.  Now if you'll look to your right, you'll see my waning libido, my crushed soul, and my very last nerve which I would advise you not to get on, under or even close to.

Does it help to know that Jesus loves you?
  It does not.

Are you really trying to tell me that things like New Orleans, Aids, sugar-free ice cream, crack babies, Hugh Jackman and cancer all happen for a reason? 

God works all things for good.  Romans, 8 28.
  Bull dinky.  Perry Cox, six one.  A buck eighty five after lunch.

I'd let her give me a bath, I don't care if my mom was watching.

Can you make her eat a banana?
  It's not interactive, Todd.

(And then every male in the room fell totally in sync, resulting in the rarest of all phenomena, the Seamless Collaborative Guy Lie.)
  The American season is over.  We were watching Mexican football.
    They started late this year.
      Because of the churro vendors.
        They went on strike and the players wouldn't cross the picket line.
          When the dispute turned violent they called in Roderigo Vasquez, the owner of the Baja Banditos, to step in.
            Thanks to Senor Vasquez' dealing with the fruit pickers unions, he was able to broker a last minute deal and the season was salvaged.
              And that's why we're watching football in the spring.

Where's the disinfectant, Lurch?

Hey, the little fella figured out the latch.  Just like the snakes.

Why is it so important that everyone believes what you do?
  Because I'm right, and I'm the only one with any proof.

I interviewed 23 girls until I found Heather.  But if I ever catch you eyeballing her again I will fire her tight little butt.  And then you'll get to spend every waking moment interviewing the next 23 fugly ass candidates until we find another good one.

And babam! I blew Laverne's argument clean out of the water when I asked her why an eight year old got knifed.
  Oh my god, that is so lucky.
I know.  I was thrilled.

It's infuriating.  I must break her.

You know how I can never use the word love except in a sarcastic way, like I love other's people's kids, or I love that haircut!  By the way, love that haircut, Per.  
  Everybody does.

I just wanted to let you know that you've really been there for me these past few weeks, and I'm really glad I have you.
  That was embarrassing for you.

He said Careful Jumpsuit, who signs your paychecks? And I said I don't know, the chief accountant Charles Fickenson and Dickenson or something, I can't read the signature, and for the hundredth time this is not a jumpsuit, it's a shirt and a pants.  Who wears a belt with a jumpsuit?

That's not her dad, that's the delivery guy in a sweater.
  My name is Lloyd.
    Stay in character.
  She's my world!

During the last one I'm taking the woman's vitals and her grandson kept trying to poke his tiny little fingers up my butt.
  Kids, huh?
He's 41, Carla. He just has very small hands.
  Oh that's not right.

Oh my god, Chad Miller, Danny Murphy, Jim Steggert?  Three football players who used to beat my up in high school.
  Looks like we were wrong about you, man.
What are you guys up to now?
  We're all gay together.  You remember Kristin Fisher?
Of course.  You turned me down homecoming and prom, even though I didn't ask you to either one.
    Well I'd love to make it up to you and have sex with both of you.  If that's all right with you, Heather.
      As long as we make it all about JD.
Sure!  Come on in!

Come on Buddy.
  Where did I lose you?
How did Kristin know Heather's name?
  Damn!  You're good.  We went line dancing and I cut her with one of my spurs.

The last movie I went to see was the Blair Witch Project, which is the main reason why I've stopped camping. That and the time a wolf mounted me.

For a half-breed baby your parents have some pretty nice stuff.

She was a racist thief!
  A smoking hot racist thief.

(Be careful, though, because if you start believing that bad things happen for a reason, it hurts that much more when they don't.)

More Scrubs Quotes

Normally I wouldn't blink twice at this article from Mental Floss on A Few Of Our Favorite Trees, but the first tree is Sri Maha Bodhi, believed to be grown from a sapling of the original Bodhi tree where The Buddha attained enlightenment.

And I think it's funny that they call it "one of the world's most sacred fig-producing holy sites."

Well, Lulu sang To Sir With Love for me. Dear God she killed it. I'm going to pretend that didn't happen, and just go back to enjoying the original.

Surprising results this week as the Phil, Sanjaya, Haley and Gina are all safe, and it's Chris R and Stephanie in the bottom 2. Stephanie was one of the strongest since the beginning but "lost her edge" according to the judges. Chris, meanwhile, is generic and dull, but had his best week last night. Neither one probably deserved to go before somebody like Sanjaya.

Stephanie goes home. It's probably for the best, and I think she knew it. Nobody was saying "Melinda, Lakisha and Stephanie".

More American Idol stories…

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In this case it's The Great Buddha of Nara, a statue in Japan almost 50ft tall and weighing 500 tons. He is cleaned once a year by 230 priests, all dressed in white, who climb all over him and carry away dust by the bucketful.

Make sure to read the comments, the first one from a guy laughing about Buddha as "god" and the rest of the comments smacking him down for his ignorance of Buddhism.

After listening to the commentary from Peter Noone and Lulu, I'm wondering if they really got the concept. Seems like Peter's advice to everybody was "Don't mess too much with the original, it was fine like it was."

• Haley does "Tell Him" and everybody loves it. She gets poor Simon all hot and bothered by not wearing a bra under her little glittery shimmery top and shaking it right in front of him. Personally I didn't love it, I thought she was concentrating more on getting from one side of the stage to the other and not singing all that great.
• Chris R does "Don't Let The Sun Catch You Crying", a cool Gerry and the Pacemakers song, and gets the first of many Peter Noone "The original is good enough don't mess with it" comments. But the judges love it and go right to the "You made it modern" comments. I still think the kid is too generic for me and won't last. Although I liked the honesty is his comment when he said "I keep wanting to just run it all over the place and have to control myself not to do that."
• Stephanie does Dusty Springfield's "You Don't Have To Say You Love Me" which is a cool song, but she's very boring lately and all the judges point out that she's lost her edge. Maybe because she reads the papers and all she ever hears about are Melinda and Lakisha?
• Blake hits a major home run with a great modern remix of Time Of The Season, complete with beatbox. Everybody, including Simon, loved it. Well, everyone except for Peter Noone who said that the first row should watch out for "all the spitting."
• Lakisha goes with Shirley Bassey "Diamonds Are Forever", which I would have thought a great choice for that big voice of hers, but the judges didn't love it. Maybe she should have gone with Lulu's advice and done You're My World? I don't think I know that song.
• Phil does Tobacco Road, and leaves me pretty cold. Just not interested, really. Simon tells him he has no "grit".
• Jordin does "I Who Have Nothing", more Shirley Bassey apparently, which I've never heard of but Lulu loves. Sounded good to me. Randy gives a big compliment with the prediction "One of the best I think we'll see tonight" and we're not half done yet.
• Interview with Peter Noone, and he even confirms that his biggest advice is "Stick with the melody."
• Sanjaya, dear Sanjaya, love of the Internet. Tries to decide between "You've Really Got Me" (is it You or You've?) or "I'm Into Something Good", a Herman's Hermits classic. Noone steers him away from that one and tells him to stick with "You've Really Got Me" which I can just tell is going to be brutal with the judges but I bet his fans still like. At least he attempts to rock it out. Actually Randy likes it ("I'm in shock, best performance to date, the new Sanjaya"). Simon points to a crying little girl and says "I think her face says it all." A little weird. She didn't stop crying through the whole show, but apparently it was because she was happy.
• Man, I don't care about the fan questions.
• Gina is doing Paint It Black which is about as rock as it gets. Starts out weak, and her outfit is ugly. The drums in this song are awesome, by the way. I don't like her version, it's too high. Simon calls it torture.
• Chris Sligh is actually going to do Henry VIII? Is that a joke? Oh, wait, it is a joke. He's doing She's Not There. Much better, I like that song. That's the kind of British Invasion stuff that's my favorite. I don't love his version, although I think his voice is good. Just not the kind of match I was hoping for. Once again he argues with Simon, which I hate.
• Melinda closes the show with "As Long As He Needs Me", another one I've never heard of. I'm disappointed that nobody did To Sir With Love. Judges love it, but what else would you expect? It's Melinda, the chosen one.

So who's it going to be this week? Well Sanjaya is always a possible choice, although the judges seemed to get a kick out of him this week. Phil got a lousy review, as did Gina. I think it could be Phil.

More American Idol stories…

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Ok, I've managed to watch the whole thing, here's my thoughts on the pairs.

Ian & Cheryl – I appreciate that Cheryl's the two-time champion now, and I enjoyed her last season, but if they make her the star of this season I think I'm going to get a little sick of her.  Ian is a good partner and they're probably destined to go far.  But at this point I'd be much more interested in seeing Edyta, Ashley (who is not here this season), and that little Russian redheaded one whose name I forget who is also not here.

Paulina & Alec – Paulina gets the typical "super model grace" points with the long arm extensions.  She may do the best of the women.

Billy Ray & Karina – God that was painful to watch.  Will he be the first to go?  It would be fitting, since I think that Karina turned everybody off last season with her personality.  It's pretty much accepted on the net that Karina and Mario were the better dancers but nobody liked her.

Leeza & Tony – Leeza's too stiff right now, she has to lighten up.  Lisa Rinna ended up doing very well coming from the same general perspective.

Joey & Kym – Former N'Sync member does well for himself.  Kym is becoming one of my favorite of the dancers, too.  I liked her with Jerry Springer last season.

Laila & Maksim – God, I'm sure Laila Ali is a nice person, but she comes across like a beast.  The big deep voice, the massive upper body?  I don't see how anybody will be able to warm up to her.  It's like they invited Chyna from the WWE…only when Chyna talks she actually sounds female.

John & Edyta – Cliff from Cheers, as a last minute replacement, turns out to fill the "charismatic old guy" role nicely.  I actually quite like him, and his whole philosophy.  "I worry about meteors hitting the Earth, I don't worry about this," he tells his partner.  I don't know if they'll ride the vote as long as Springer did, but he won't be the one that goes the first week.

Shandy & Brian – Does anybody know this girl?  She seems very nervous and rushed in her dancing.  Coupled with a first time professional partner that the audience won't know yet, her days might be pretty short.

Clyde & Elena – For a big tall guy, Clyde does better than expected with the judges.  Whether he's more Evander Holyfield or Emmitt Smith remains to be seen, but I'm betting on the former.

Heather & Jonathan – Heather's going to get all the press and attention for the fake leg.  I have to admit, though, that they're handling it well.  I laughed out loud when they said "Of course we'll treat her just like everybody else," because I turned to Kerry and said "Except they're going to tell her to point her toes and she can't."  Sure enough Heather herself beat me to it, telling the judges, "Just don't tell me to point my toes.  If you can point them I'll pay you." 

Apolo & Julianne – Apolo's not as good a dancer as I expected him to be.  Maybe it's nerves, maybe it's age (he's young, right?)  Maybe it's the whole training for the Olympics thing.  Who knows.

Overall it's not a great set of stars.  Last season we had Joey Lawrence and Mario Lopez, both of whom were early favorites.  If I have to guess, the picks right now would be Ian Ziering and Joey Fatone, but that's not saying too much.  They're like the doughy versions of the first two.

Did you write a review on TripAdvisor? lol

This is exactly how they are teaching math (in second grade) these days. As far as the division idea goes, my daughter calls it parsing. Take a handful of.. (I like Mancala stones) and then divide it up between the members of the family, lets say 4. Your result is the number everyone gets and the leftovers.

For addition, they are learning tricks like 5 + 5 = 10, add 1 to one side and subtract one from the other and you get the same result, 6 + 4 = 10, 7 + 3 = 10, etc.

I have more "tales from second grade" if you are interested, you know where to find me.

And dont forget to go out with your kids and inhale some fresh air and sun along with all the math facts! 🙂