Miscellaneous rambling, and bragging about my kids.

Stupid news story of the day is the video of Tigger attacking a 14yr old boy. I'd just like to point out that a 4yr old can distinguish "Daddy, that's not Tigger, that's someone dressed up like Tigger." I always wondered about that whenever I'd hear that nonsense about "irreparably damaged because my kid saw Mickey take his head off."

Anyway, watch the video. Looks pretty obvious to me that the kid, coming into the picture late, does something at the back of Tigger's costume. Maybe he just put his hand too close to Tigger's neck, maybe he actually started feeling around for a zipper because he thought it would be funny. Either way, Tigger wraps and bars the arm (nice!), and then whacks the kid.

So what's the dad do? Goes on the news. What's he expect to get out of it? Disney will pretty safely fire the guy in the suit, it's a big no-no to hit the guests (or to hit on them, which is a different lawsuit :)). I think they already offered the family a free day at the park. The father wants a face to face apology from the kid in the suit, which I'm pretty sure Disney won't allow because they're not supposed to break character like that.

What the father apparently doesn't care much about is how stupid he's making his son look on national television. "How hard did he hit you, son?" he asks for the cameras. "Pretty hard," says the son, "I could feel it through the soft gloves." I think he even said "I can still feel it" at one point.

So…your kid is on video being a punk, and then on the news being a big wimp. Nice dad.

I just can't help envisioning a real Tigger beatdown, and how the kid would explain that. "And then, and then…he kept bouncing up and down on me with that springy tail of his, boing! boing! boing! And the laughing….oh, the laughing….sometimes at night I can still hear the laughing. HoohooHOOOO! HoohooHOOOO! And there were Pooh and all his friends, just pointing and laughing….."

And by that I mean the grammar of my 2.5 yr old, Elizabeth. My Shakespeare friends are gonna kill me :).

Elizabeth feels that the word "windy" is similar to the word "cold". Thus, where you might say "I'm cold" on a particularly cold day, Elizabeth would say "I'm windy" on a windy day.

She also knows that when she says this, the nearest grown up will tend to say, "It is a little windy." However, it is often "Not too windy."

She does not, however, grasp the concept of past tense. "I'm windy" could mean right now, or it could mean yesterday. This was particluarly noticeable the week after trying to get pictures taken with Santa where she would tell me every morning, "Santa's not scaring me." In other words, "I was not scared of Santa."

Today, during our fabulous 60 degree day in early January, I took the kids to the park. When we came home and Kerry asked Elizabeth how it was, she replied, "I'm too a little windy!"

Normally I don't blog politics, but I think this story's got a punch line that's right up my alley. You may have heard the who big issue with Rep Keith Ellison (D-MN) taking his oath on a Quran instead of a Bible. Even better, it was a Quran once owned by Thomas Jefferson. This made big news because Rep. Virgil Goode (R-VA) made a big stink over it, saying that if you're gonna swear in on a book, it should be the Bible. Even though the Constitution clearly says "no religious test shall be required", in other words you can't make somebody swear on a religious text. (Technically the official swearing in is done with no book at all — the issue is about what book they use for the traditional photo opportunity that happens after the fact).

Anyway, what's the punchline again? It's done, it's over, he swore in, the world didn't end. What I like about the story is Rep Mazie Hirono, one of two Buddhists to be sworn in during this election, opted not to have a book at all, saying "Whatever happened to the separation of Church and State?"

Love it.

Well, on a good note, Scrubs is back early!  We don't have to wait until end of January like some shows. 

Wow, did I hate this episode.  "Hey, here's an idea, we haven't already done a bunch of 'House' jokes on the show yet, so let's do an entire episode devoted to making Dr. Cox look like Dr. House."  Apparently they think we all didn't get enough of My New Suit.  Plus, we get depressing story lines about how Eliot (Elliot?  Elliott?  How am I supposed to spell her name?) is not bonding with her friends anymore, and Carla's got post-partum depression.  Woohoo, a real hoot.  Overall it's just plain mean, but also silly and obvious.  The whole thing is about medical mysteries, but are any of them not obvious?  Plus most of the jokes are visual and unfunny, such as the paintball stuff.  Shooting somebody in the face with a paintball is actually pretty painful and dangerous.

Oh well, on with what I can find for quotes.  And yes, I did google for "Tako-tsubo cardiomyopathy", which is actually the unnecessarily complex Japanese way to say "stress cardiomyopathy" so he sounds more House-like.

I can't believe it's all over.  God, so many memories.  So many, many memories.  Who wants to say something first?
  Eliot, your new office is right there.  Nothing's gonna change but your lab coat.

On the up side I could give her dramatic "Don't go" kisses whenever I felt like it.
  Oh that was hot, stud.  But I think it's just my leg that's supposed to be up.

And you don't want to be around me when I'm pregnant, all the women in my family go psycho…
   Yeah,
I WASN'T FINISHED!
   You know, I'm back, perfectly fine.  Hit the wall.

Hey, look who I brought to see her mama…
  Somebody else's child?
    We've got a code pink, people!  Somebody just stole a baby!

I don't know if you know this, but the icepacks you've been putting on your hooey run about forty two bucks a pop.

All right, who can tell me anything about Mr. Pierce?
  He uses oil heaters in his house in New Hampshire.
That answer was either very sarcastic or very stupid. Either way I'm whacking you with my clipboard.  Brace yourself.
  Wait!  He's hypoxic with a clear chest x-ray, which can be a sign of carbon monoxide poisoning.  I learned that watching 'House'.
    House is a *genius*.
That's it, I'm whacking both of you.

Look, I know you all curl up on your futons at night dreaming of cracking a real medical mystery so that some doctor slash supermodel will want to touch your eruption button.  But, here's the bad news.  This isn't a tv show, there aren't any cameras here, real medical mysteries don't happen every week and real doctors damn sure don't look like models.  They look like Rex.
  What?
Chin up, ya ugly bastard.  So, if you want to solve a real mystery, go ahead and figure out who's taking my New York Times every Sunday.  Or, better yet, how about why anybody on the planet thinks Dane Cook is funny?  As far as Mr. Pierce goes, he has your run of the mill pulmonary embolism and I know, I know, it is a boring medical diagnosis, but that's what hospitals are.  Boring.

Hey, there's that baby you stole.

And phone sex is out of the question, because I'm a righty when I talk on the phone, but I'm also a righty when I'm teaching Mini-JD who daddy is.

I wanted to give you your paycheck in person so you can hand it back to me to pay your bill.
  Why don't you just hang on to that, sir.
That's not how it works.  Now I'm going to hand it to you, and I want you to look at it, sigh, and give it back to me.

I invented a machine that prints business cards.
  That's already been invented.
I know.  But mine also fires paint pellets.

Dr. Reed I thought I would just stop in and say goodbye.
  Why?  I'll still be working here.
Yes, but you won't be working for Sacred Heart, the place that spent a fortune training you, only to have you take off for greener pastures.  You're like a prostitute that gets paid up front then bolts from the restaurant after dinner.  It's about common courtesy, Reed, whether to your boss or a kind-hearted John who's given you a lot of business over the years.  So goodbye, Ms. Mai Ling of Gentle Oriental Escort, and goodbye, Dr. Reed.  I won't be speaking to either of you ever again.

Well what's it called?
  Frecklefart 90.
Awww, for the freckle on  ass, my lactose intolerance, and the fact that I graduated high school in 1990.
  Yes.  That was so lucky!

No matter what I do to entertain myself I'm still bored, whether it's reading the paper or shaving the sideburns off of some resident because his license plate says "PARTYDOC".

This one time, my dad wasn't talking to my mom because she stopped boffing the gardener during the height of weed season.  I know!  She wasn't thinking.

The only thing worse than not knowing why a patient is crashing is being offered help by the hospital's grief counselor, Dr. Hedrick.
  Need help, old friend?
Oh yeah, her kidneys are failing.  Give her a pep talk, stat!

You know, instead of lashing out at me, why don't you turn that anger guy at the person you're really mad at.  Mommy? Just a guess.  I mean, there's gotta be a reason you're always such a d-bag, right?

Maybe he got freaky with some Cheetos.

Maybe he used some fake tan cream.  Used it once, turned me orange all over.
  There were no foreign substances found on his skin, but kudos Keith on finally outing yourself.

Yeah, I don't really give a rat's doodoo maker, Turk.

Don't say hate, Ghandi. You kids throw that work around so much it's lost all its meaning.   Now, now I have to find a work stronger than hate to describe how I feel about others.  Hmmmmm…..I megaloathe you all.  Good day.

I can read a chart, newbie.  Now leave before I put a rhinestone collar around your neck, have you fixed and make you my lapdoctor.

You usually have to go to a van convention to see art of this quality.  Ya do.
  Got a confession to make I actually cheated a little, I used an actual head from the morgue as a model.  Be careful, it's actually around here somewhere.

Podiatrist?
  I also buy and sell feet.  So anyway you want to go, I got you covered.

Tako-tsubo cardiomyopathy, otherwise known as Broken Heart Syndrome, is when a severe emotional trauma triggers a weakening of the heart muscle.

She's gonna need alot more counseling, but we'll get her there. Well, not so much we, as me.  Your part, the bungling of the diagnosis, is done.

I can't believe you can have heart failure just from being sad.  I mean, how are you supposed to treat that?  He's coding, get me a box of kittens, stat!  Possible side effects of kittens include sneezing, tiny scratches, and erectile dysfunction.

Will you excuse me for a second?
  Oh, god yes.

Look, we're gonna talk every night, we're gonna get you a hands free headset for phone sex.  We're gonna get through it.

More Scrubs Quotes…

Ok, I'll raise my hand (to volunteer).

My New Year's Resolution is to overwhelm my ex-husband's new girlfriend with kindness. 🙂

Ok, here we go.

• Get back on the weight loss track and hit my goal weight. Right now that'd mean dropping about 12 more pounds. 6 of which I'd gained over the holidays 🙂
• Get published in a meaningful way. I've written a couple of e-books before, but none of them are going to ever even make it onto the radar, as far as secondary income goes. I'd like this year to write and publish something that I feel could make me some pocket money. Whether it does or not, well, I don't control that.
• New mantra: Complete the bad stuff so there's more time for the good stuff. At any given time I've got a good dozen projects running around my brain. Some work, some personal. Some practical, some blue sky. Some take two minutes, some take two years. Whenever I focus on one, particularly one of the "have to get done" ones, I have a horrible habit of spending all my mental energy thinking "As long as I'm working on this, I'm not working on [other, probably more fun project]." And when I do allow myself time to work on the fun ones, I'm inevitably thinking "Man, I should really get back to the boring have-to-do and just do it." So, I don't win on either end. My new goal is to tackle one project at a time and stay focused on it until I make meaningful progress. I won't say "finish", because often you'll hit a wall where you can't finish it right that moment. But by making recognizable progress I'll at least feel better about putting it down and moving on to something else.

There you go, that's my list. Consider it documented. Who else wants to volunteer?

Duane,

Your kids might enjoy this photo story. Happy New Year.

http://p6.hostingprod.com/@ricardosblog.com/blog/2006/12/the_birdfeeder_a_photo_story.html

The other day I wrote about my "not so Zen" children who were baffled at the concept of one hand clapping. In one of those moments where I like to say "The universe is small", I see a news story about a company called Zen Babies. I did not go looking for it, it just fell in my lap. There ya go.

Buddha Boy has returned. This is the story of a 17yr old boy who sat down to meditate and apparently didn't eat for 10 months. This prompted people to claim miracle, and start speaking of him as the reincarnation of the Buddha. Then, he disappeared. The logical joke being that he went to get a sandwich, but of course no one can prove that.

He returned carrying a sword, which is interesting, and also speaking of himself in comparison to Buddha ("Buddha had to arrange security for himself"), something that he was very much against during his first meditation where he would say, "Tell them not to call me Buddha."

So, the story of the day is about the woman who put a baby through the x-ray scanner at the airport. The baby was quickly extracted from the machine, taken to the hospital (something she apparently did not want), and it was confirmed that the baby's fine, no damaging exposure was sustained.

But man, the fodder for Incredible Hulk jokes is just outstanding! The kid's got a new nickname for the rest of his life.

Don't make that baby angry. You wouldn't like him when he's angry.

Baby smash!

He's turning green! Oh, wait, no, that's strained peas.