Entries Tagged 'Television' ↓

No surprises, Leeza got kicked off. Called that one in my sleep. I expect John to go next, and then Clyde. After that it'll get interesting.

Who, exactly, are Big and Rich? Or is it Bigg? I don't really care. Man, I felt like I was losing IQ points just looking at them. Who comes in costume anymore? Which one looked dumber, the guy who looked like a 7yr old who just got a new Black Bart cowboy costume for Christmas, or the one that looked like a well-dressed hobo who just jumped off the freight train? Where was his stick with a hanky tied to it?

The one cool thing of the night was when they did "Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy" which is the song that Cheryl and Drew Lachey won with back in season 2. She even wore the same outfit, and when they were doing the same choreography I pointed this out to Kerry. Sure enough, who shows up? Drew Lachey pops up right in the middle to finish off the dance. Very cool, and not the sort of thing you ever get on American Idol.

It continues to amaze/pain me that they stretch the show out to an hour just for a 30 second payoff. At least there were no psychics this week.

I've decided that I just can't keep up with blogging every single dance and every song, so I'll do my best to recap the highlights.

This week was Paso Doble and Waltz. Apolo is up first and after some kidding around about how they're so young and he's got more of a brother/sister thing going with his partner, they kill on the dancefloor and score big numbers. Except for Len, who's having a grumpy day and says their footwork stunk. I wonder if Bruno will come up with a 10 to make up for Len's attitude, but he doesn't.

Laila and Max get a horrible song to dance a paso doble to (something classical, 1812 overture or something? I recognize it but forget the name). I actually thought the dancing itself was quite good, but they get brutalized on the score. Funniest part is how Max apologizes for screwing up the tango last week by breaking the hold. "It was a mistake," he says. Mistake? You choreographed the routine, son. You put in a part that says "Ok, here we break the hold." What you meant was "I threw it in there hoping the judges wouldn't beat on us for it, but they did."

Clyde takes a beating from the judges who tell him he's not even trying anymore. Hypocrisy from Len who says "I can forgive bad footwork" after he said the opposite to Apolo.

Leeza is not destined to do a paso doble, she simply can't pull it off. Don't feel too bad for her, though, since she's pretty much doomed to go home this week no matter how she dances. Remember, it's the size of your fanbase, not the quality of your dancing.

Heather once again comes off looking very well, and this time the judges specifically point out that it's Jonathan's choreography that deserves all the credit. The standing spin thing in particular looked very cool.

Ian was completely forgettable to me this week, and I think that's entirely because Cheryl had her hair done in a very ugly way with her bangs up out of her face. She looked like a different person, and not a prettier one.

Jon Ratzenberger's mom (91) is in the audience, but he dances so badly that the judges look him right in the eye and say "We didn't know if you were going for laughs or not." That's gotta hurt.

Billy Ray Cyrus is such a bad dancer that he made Karina cry. The judges take pity on them with a good score to make her feel better. Scenes like that make me wonder if one week we're going to pan to the audience and see Mario Lopez out there cheering her on.

And then came Joey Fatone. With "no gimmicks this week" he pulls off a paso doble to rival Drew Lachey's "Thriller" classic, including a fairly nice leap in the air, and scores the first 10 of the season. I would think that easily makes him the one to beat.

This is not American Idol, and there is no Sanjaya. I expect Leeza to be gone this week. Clyde might have gotten the lowest score, but I think the audience gets more supportive in situations where they disagree with the judges (the whole "Clyde's not even trying anymore" thing). As Leeza learned last week, it doesn't matter if she dances her best, if the audience isn't behind her, it won't help.

I don't usually post all the Scrubs gossip, but weddings are always nice. Dr. Cox, aka John C. McGinley, got married to yoga teacher Nicole Kessler on Saturday. I know, I know, the obvious question is which hairstyle was he sporting – the curly nonsense from early season, or the chrome dome? Well he still has hair, but I didn't imagine that anything could have been worse than the curly thing. I was wrong. Looks like he just got out of bed. Must have been a windy day.

Congratulations!

What do you call the Tony Bennett style of music, is that Big Band? Stuff like "Mac The Knife" and "Stormy Weather." I've never loved this particular theme, they all come across like lounge singers. Phil especially.

Tony Bennett actually doesn't sing tonight, he has the flu. So he's replaced by Michael Boubl..boo…bubb…the Harry Connick lookin guy. How do you spell it? He actually gets in a shot to make a joke about still voting for Antonella Barba.

This week they do the "three groups of three" thing, but when they put Jordin, Melinda and Lakisha in one group you know that they're not going to pull a shocker and have one of them go home. The interesting story is that Sanjaya is in the middle group (with Blake and Chris), more on that in a second. The bottom group is Haley, Gina and Phil. At first I think Phil's going home since he doesn't have any sort of personality to warm up to, but then I remember that he's got a military background so that'll get him some votes. Sure enough he's safe. The question is whether it'll be Gina, who is the better singer, or Haley who is better looking. Turns out Haley's legs keep her around another week, and Gina totally breaks down when she has to go home.

Ok, so, back to Sanjaya. He's in the middle of the pack, which should hopefully put to rest the rumors that he's way out in front of everybody else because of all the rigging that's going on. He's not. Every season there's somebody that doesn't deserve to go as far as they do, and this is no different. He may go farther than others because he's gotten more press, but he won't win.

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It's actually becoming painful watching them try to fill an hour. Just make it half an hour and accept it. This week we have Sierra sing, whoever that is, which is just insulting because there's not even a ballroom demo that goes with it.

Then we get Survivor doing a version of Eye Of The Tiger that would have had them booed off of American Idol. Some folks don't age well.

And Josh Groban? Man, he's not getting the bookings he used to.

And then came the psychics. Wow, that is hard to watch when you consider that people actually believe that stuff. We go through a whole bunch of the psychics saying generic things like "Laila likes to be in control" and then the producers cut in a clip of Laila taking charge, as if that's supposed to prove anything. At least they go so far as to get predictions – the numerologist says Laila, and the guy who sees auras says Ian. Two reasonable choices. I wonder if they actually interviewed half a dozen psychics and then only showed the ones who picked the potential winners?

Anyway, as predicted a mile away, Shandi goes home. Next week should be Leeza, then Clyde, then John. Apolo, Ian, Joey and Laila should easily be the finalists. The real wildcard is Heather, whether she'll be good enough to knock one of those four out of their spot.

Well the Sanjaya juggernaut continues as once again he's not even in the bottom three. This time the bottom three is Phil, Haley and … Chris Sligh? Interesting. The first two surprise me as neither of them sang bad enough to be eliminated for it, and Chris Sligh surprises me because I thought that his fan club would have been enough to keep him around. Where's Chris R in the bottom? And Sanjaya?

Anyway, Chris Sligh's going home. So much for making David Hasselhoff cry. My neighbor's going to be upset, she had him in the pool.

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The only redeeming quality of the results show is that demonstrations of professional ballroom dancing. Combining that with a song (or two) from whatever B-list celebrity they have on hand that week actually makes them both bearable, compared with something like American Idol where we have no choice but to sit and listen to Carrie or Fantasia or whoever is legally obligated to sing that week. On Dancing we can ignore Dionne Warwick and watch Anna Trebunskya wiggle her hips.

Anyway, it comes down to Paulina and Shandi, which seems to pretty well demonstrate that all these things are popularity contests, not talent contests. Paulina and Shandi didn't stand out. Billy Ray, even if he's a lousy dancer, has got a following because of his television show. The audience doesn't vote for people they don't know.

Can I take a moment to say how badly Samantha screwed up several times tonight? At one point she said "after the babank" instead of "after the break" which had Tom looking at her strange, and then later she completely screwed up the tease about who was in the bottom two when she said "Paulina and Alec….uhh…." before going on to just list everybody's name. Turns out they were in the bottom two anyway. Bad cover.

Speaking of them, Paulina is indeed the first to go. That must piss off Alec. Remember, he was the season one champion. You have to figure that he was looking forward to making a real showing of it.

When I heard that Gwen Stefani (No Doubt) was the special guest this week, I thought it could be pretty cool. I liked that era of music. They could easily have gone with a 90's theme. Instead we got a bunch of Police and Donna Summer in a boring "what inspired me" theme week. Was it stuff that inspired Gwen Stefani? I couldn't quite figure that out, why would we care what her inspirations were?

Lakisha (Let's Dance, Donna Summer) – Does doing classic disco tunes show any real range for Lakisha? Sure it was faster than her usual, and she actually moved around the stage, but maybe I just hate the song in general.

Chris Sligh (Every Little Thing, The Police) – Chris can't stay on the beat and everybody calls him on it, judges and Gwen Stefani as well, going so far as to say that it's painful for the audience to listen to. It really was bad this week, even his look was off. He looked fat and winded, quite frankly.

Gina (I'll Stand By You) – Unlike Lakisha, Gina brings us a "stand there and belt it out" song, and the judges go nuts for it. Simon's all compliments as well, saying "That wasn't one of your best, that *was* your best."

Sanjaya (Bathwater, No Doubt) – Oh dear God what did Sanjaya do to his hair this week? If we rule out the fact that he looked stupid, it really shows that the kid has a set on him. They make fun of his hair every week, so now he's saying "I dare you." That's confidence. He reminded me of a character from Mad Max or something. Simon tells him that it doesn't matter what they say, the people that like him will vote for him.

Haley (True Colors, Cyndi Lauper) – Going against the advice of the professional, Haley mucks all around with the melody of the song and the judges don't love it. They tell her that it's boring and too adult/contemporary, and anybody could have done that.

Phil (Every Breath You Take, The Police) – Hey, he's got the hat back. I can't decide which I like better. At least this hat fits. I do like his song this week, maybe it's not so bad that he's stuck around. The judges like it as well.

Melinda (Heaven Knows, Donna Summer) – Have the judges ever said anything bad about Melinda? I don't think so. The worst Simon said was that he didn't like her outfit.

Blake (Love Song, The Cure) – I can't believe that Blake busted out such a kill yourself slow song like The Cure. I dig Blake, I want to see him win the whole thing, but man I wanted to put him out of his own misery during that song. The judges, on the other hand, really liked it. Simon told him multiple times that he's the best of the guys.

Jordin (Hey Baby, No Doubt) – I really did not enjoy Jordin's version of the song, but I can't put my finger on why. Seems like more of a team effort sort of song, not really a solo thing. Plus, can we talk about the outfit? She looked like she just got off of field hockey practice and decided to wrap a picnic table cloth around herself. Totally distracting. Seriously, was that gym shorts she was wearing?

Chris R (Don't Speak, No Doubt) – I just don't enjoy the way this kid sings, what can I say. Gwen calls it "vocal Olympics". Blah. It's slow, it's all over the place, and he's got a weird habit of looking over his shoulder like he's expecting the band to come up on stage or something. Time to go.

Speaking of time to go, I have no idea who it will be this week. Sanjaya has really messed up everybody's predictions. It's really up in the air.

More American Idol stories…

I am disappointed in the continuing transformation of Dr. Cox into Hawkeye Pierce.  After all the build up that Scrubs is going to kill off a cast member, do you mean to tell me that they're couching it in an episode that once again showcases Perry's angst at the world?  Was there a single argument that he made against religion that the rest of us didn't get bored with back in college?  Is an experienced doctor still having trouble with this? Bad things happen to good people.  Some folks choose to use this as a demonstration that there is no omnipotent being, and others say that there's always a reason for things, whether we understand it or not.  Check.  I don't believe at all his mania for trying to break Laverne's spirit.  Or worse that his mind could be so quickly changed by the comment about how they've been better than ever since the pre-natal surgery.  The big question now is whether they will continue the current story line to its logical conclusion, or if this is just a headfake to set us up for a real shocker.  I just wish I understood what we're supposed to get out of it.  Perry going to become a believer?  Not really in character for him.  He going to become ever angrier at the world for no consistent reason?  He's already got that.

The good news is that the other storylines and writing were very good this week.  It's a shame that some of the best bits (like JD grabbing Turk's leg, or Janitor's JD stare, or Kelso's "say it with this face") can't really be transcribed.

Can a doctor bring a patient's dog into the hospital?
  I'm going to say the same thing I said to my new gardener when he asked me for Easter off.  No way, Jose.  His name's actually Jose, that's why I hired him.

Wait what happened to all of your cleaning supplies?
  Actually that's a really funny story.
And?
  Nothing, I'm just looking at my cleaning supplies.  I got drunk last night and threw them up in that tree.

Just stay cool.
  No problemo.  Top of morning Doctor Walter Mickhead!  Snoop Dogg Resident, when we hitting the clubs, yo?  Oh Colonel Doctor, that tie looks finger-lickin good.
So natural.  Did you act in college?
  I did, thank you.

I need you to go to the video store and get me anything with Viggo Somethingsen.  I need white chocolate, strawberry seltzer, peppercorn brie and a polaroid of the tomato plant I planted last spring because I'm worried it may have snails.  Oh, and if you see that neighbor Lena from down the hall I want you to roll your eyes and say the word slut.  Under your breath, but loud enough so she can hear.  And don't forget to be home by six-thirty because you've got to give Jack his bath before you make my dinner!
  But, when will I have time to kill myself?

Skeptical air five!

My mom put a nanny-cam in my bathroom.  She said my baths were too long.

We did everything we could for your mom, but sometimes life just…
  Booooooobiesssss!
Gotta go.  Boobie horn.

Oh God, Keith and I haven't had sex in so long.
  Ok, you said the same thing when you saw me changing Izzie's diaper.  What are you and Keith doing to each other?

Why don't you hop aboard the what's up Dr. Cox's butt trolley and we can begin our tour.  Coming up on our left is my bloated, bed-ridden ex-wife who's not allowed to lift a finger, which thankfully leaves it all up to these guys.  Now if you'll look to your right, you'll see my waning libido, my crushed soul, and my very last nerve which I would advise you not to get on, under or even close to.

Does it help to know that Jesus loves you?
  It does not.

Are you really trying to tell me that things like New Orleans, Aids, sugar-free ice cream, crack babies, Hugh Jackman and cancer all happen for a reason? 

God works all things for good.  Romans, 8 28.
  Bull dinky.  Perry Cox, six one.  A buck eighty five after lunch.

I'd let her give me a bath, I don't care if my mom was watching.

Can you make her eat a banana?
  It's not interactive, Todd.

(And then every male in the room fell totally in sync, resulting in the rarest of all phenomena, the Seamless Collaborative Guy Lie.)
  The American season is over.  We were watching Mexican football.
    They started late this year.
      Because of the churro vendors.
        They went on strike and the players wouldn't cross the picket line.
          When the dispute turned violent they called in Roderigo Vasquez, the owner of the Baja Banditos, to step in.
            Thanks to Senor Vasquez' dealing with the fruit pickers unions, he was able to broker a last minute deal and the season was salvaged.
              And that's why we're watching football in the spring.

Where's the disinfectant, Lurch?

Hey, the little fella figured out the latch.  Just like the snakes.

Why is it so important that everyone believes what you do?
  Because I'm right, and I'm the only one with any proof.

I interviewed 23 girls until I found Heather.  But if I ever catch you eyeballing her again I will fire her tight little butt.  And then you'll get to spend every waking moment interviewing the next 23 fugly ass candidates until we find another good one.

And babam! I blew Laverne's argument clean out of the water when I asked her why an eight year old got knifed.
  Oh my god, that is so lucky.
I know.  I was thrilled.

It's infuriating.  I must break her.

You know how I can never use the word love except in a sarcastic way, like I love other's people's kids, or I love that haircut!  By the way, love that haircut, Per.  
  Everybody does.

I just wanted to let you know that you've really been there for me these past few weeks, and I'm really glad I have you.
  That was embarrassing for you.

He said Careful Jumpsuit, who signs your paychecks? And I said I don't know, the chief accountant Charles Fickenson and Dickenson or something, I can't read the signature, and for the hundredth time this is not a jumpsuit, it's a shirt and a pants.  Who wears a belt with a jumpsuit?

That's not her dad, that's the delivery guy in a sweater.
  My name is Lloyd.
    Stay in character.
  She's my world!

During the last one I'm taking the woman's vitals and her grandson kept trying to poke his tiny little fingers up my butt.
  Kids, huh?
He's 41, Carla. He just has very small hands.
  Oh that's not right.

Oh my god, Chad Miller, Danny Murphy, Jim Steggert?  Three football players who used to beat my up in high school.
  Looks like we were wrong about you, man.
What are you guys up to now?
  We're all gay together.  You remember Kristin Fisher?
Of course.  You turned me down homecoming and prom, even though I didn't ask you to either one.
    Well I'd love to make it up to you and have sex with both of you.  If that's all right with you, Heather.
      As long as we make it all about JD.
Sure!  Come on in!

Come on Buddy.
  Where did I lose you?
How did Kristin know Heather's name?
  Damn!  You're good.  We went line dancing and I cut her with one of my spurs.

The last movie I went to see was the Blair Witch Project, which is the main reason why I've stopped camping. That and the time a wolf mounted me.

For a half-breed baby your parents have some pretty nice stuff.

She was a racist thief!
  A smoking hot racist thief.

(Be careful, though, because if you start believing that bad things happen for a reason, it hurts that much more when they don't.)

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Well, Lulu sang To Sir With Love for me. Dear God she killed it. I'm going to pretend that didn't happen, and just go back to enjoying the original.

Surprising results this week as the Phil, Sanjaya, Haley and Gina are all safe, and it's Chris R and Stephanie in the bottom 2. Stephanie was one of the strongest since the beginning but "lost her edge" according to the judges. Chris, meanwhile, is generic and dull, but had his best week last night. Neither one probably deserved to go before somebody like Sanjaya.

Stephanie goes home. It's probably for the best, and I think she knew it. Nobody was saying "Melinda, Lakisha and Stephanie".

More American Idol stories…

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