[BlogEntry] Scrubs Quotes : My Coffee

Great episode.  Very quotable material.  And some nice drama, and plot continuations. Not too much silliness at all. 

It was a day of discovery.  I discovered that I could sex my pregnant girlfriend into a coma.  Nice!

A coffee place in a hospital?  What's next, Bob, an ice cream parlor in the morgue?  Admittedly not a horrible idea seeing's how the freezer is already down there.  Plus it'd be a perfect place for kids.  One of our famous vanilla malteds definitely takes the sting out of having to identify the charred remains of your father.

Awww, now I'm at the end of both lines!

I love this job.  I screw up, nobody gets hurt.  Except Cindy.  I scalded her pretty bad with some steamed milk.  You could see the bone.

Hey Kim, just checking to see if your socks are back on since I knocked them off last night, Hello!  What am I doing, you're gonna be the mother of my child.  That is so tacky.
  And so is this:  Way to hit that, playa!

I'm not telling Isabella she's got a vagina until she's 18!
  That's gonna be an awkward birthday party.
Do not tell my daughter she has a vagina!  I'm serious!
    It may have already come up.

This is my wife Sally.  She lost her thumbs last month when our pet Komodo Dragon Morty got out of his cage.
  On the bright side you have beautiful nubs.

A tip jar.  Really.  What am I supposed to do, just duke you my change because you poured hot water through beans?  Well I'll tell you what my friend, unless you're planning on giving me a complimentary reacharound with my beverage the answer is 'Yeah…no.'  Here's a novel idea, why don't you go fetch me a large coffee with so damned many fake sugars in it that the coffee itself gets cancer?

He is private practice.  Those guys are cocky jackasses who don't give two shakes about anybody else's opinion but their own.  They're me, with one addendum:  they're whores.  And I'm not talking about the good kind of whores like my ex-wife.  They're whores for money.
  Is that a tip jar?
Look.  I'm figuring that if those lunks down at the coffee store can have one, I can too.

Sneak attack.  You can put your shoes on again guys, nice work.

None of here even have kids, except for Margo here, and she sold hers.

Damn, we got smoked.  That's what we get for playing a bunch of G's from the hood.
  Those guys are Indian.
So Rajeesh isn't one of those cool black-only names like Amforni?
  No.  Rajeesh is like Steve in India.

Come on VJ, first you dunk on me and yell "Who's your bitch?" and now you want free medical advice?  How did I not know these guys were Indian?

I have a non-fat latte with room for Shnapps for…janitor.
  Nice braces.  You're not worried about spider monkeys?  Spider monkeys see intricate metalwork as a display of dominance.  It's a threat to them.  They'll tear your eyes out.

So, Dr. Turner said that I am a very talented young physician.
  Jordan said I'm the only man she ever wants to have sex with.  Aren't we sharing fantastic lies we choose to believe for personal reasons?

I'm just gonna go ahead and tip myself calling this one.  Thank you, me.

Turk, I need you and I need you now.
  Isabella, this is the man you'll be competing with for your father's love.
Coochie coochie coo.  Turk, now.
    Baby he's using his emergency tone.

My breasts are so sore, I wish I could just give you formula.
  Formula's bad for the baby.  Boob milk is better.

Now how about somebody gets me a banana nut muffin and hold the spit, please.

I was saying the two most addictive substances on earth are caffeine, and nicotine.  Behold!  Smokeachino, for Kyle.

Are you crazy? You can get sued.  Secondly, I can't believe you went to the mall without me, I specifically told you I needed to buy loafers.  And thirdly, how could you go to the mall without me?  That's our thing.

If I got to be right, and have a private practice doctor get to die due to his own idiocy, I'd call that a pretty full victory.

I thought that you hated him!
  When it comes to torturing you, everybody's on the same page.

Remember that first week, when I found you hooking up with my girlfriend?  And you said you guys were only naked underneath the covers because you'd had a water balloon fight and you were cold?
  JD for the last time nothing happened.
Please, this isn't about that.  Just that I looked all over, I never found any balloons.  You think there'd be some balloons.

I look at Isabella and I get really scared.  And I'm gonna need you to help me through this.
  Well that really sucks cause I was counting on you to make it look easy so I know I can handle it when my turn comes.

You're gonna be just fine.
  I suppose so.
Totally fine.
Would you mind telling me that I'm gonna be fine Turk, am I gonna be fine?  I think I'm gonna be fine.
  Well I would but I don't know how much you like Kim.
I really like her.
  Then you're gonna be fine.

I got offered a new job.
  Cool, is it over at county? Because that way I can drop you off every morning.
It's in Tacoma, Washington.
  Oh.  That's gonna be a little rough on my scooter.


Technorati tags: television, tv, scrubs, quotes, my coffee

[BlogEntry] You may have won this round, Elizabeth…

So this morning Elizabeth is hanging out sitting with Kerry while we get ready.  Suddenly she (Elizabeth) says to me, "Bear's in the cage!" 

Now, anybody who communicates with toddlers knows how this game is played.  You start wracking your brain trying to figure out what she's talking about, while still trying to interact with her in the hopes of getting more information.  You start by repeating what she said.  "The bear's in the cage?" I ask, looking at the television to see if there's such a commercial.  Nothing.

"Bear's in the cage!" she says, and is very excited about this.

She's not been to the zoo lately.  She doesn't really have any toys that "bear in the cage" would seem to cover.  So I start trying to get more words out of her.  "The bear?"

"The bear!"

"What bear?"

"In the cage!"

"Oh.  Where is he?"

"In the cage!"

This isn't going anywhere.  I'm starting to make jokes about her being a Russian spy trying to deliver a message.  The purple pigeon flies upside down at midnight, and all that.  "Is the bear in your room?" I ask.


"Is it in Katherine's room?"


"Where's the bear in the cage?"

"Right here.  Mommy and Daddy's room."  At this point she is pointing.

I turn around and I see her Lego table, where she has constructed what appears to be two towers.  I suppose it could be a cage.  "Oh!" I say, realization dawning.  "Is this the cage?"

"That's the cage!  Bear's in the cage!"  It's like playing a game of "getting colder getting warmer".

I look in the cage, expecting to see one of her Little People animals or something.  "I don't see the bear," I say.

"It's invisible."

D'oh!  Faked out by a 2yr old.  Needless to say, Kerry greatly enjoyed that.


Technorati tags: family, kids, story, funny