[BlogEntry] Scrubs Quotes : My Conventional Wisdom

Loved this episode.  Loved loved loved it.  Kim's back!  And believe it or not they actually did it in a good way, you're still allowed to hate her and think she's a bitch and yet still manage to want JD to be happy.  Some of the most complex drama they've ever done, actually.  Turk as the best friend steps up, awesome.  The only thing I didn't like was Dr. Cox trying to break up Elliot's engagement.  Sure he fixed it and played the "I just like to mess with your head" card, but it still came across as pretty mean.

One of the best parts, by the way, came in the podcast where the writer of this episode kept saying things like "That's pretty F'd up what Kim did" and "And she gets left alone….good, she deserves it."  Sounds like somebody took the whole miscarriage storyline a little personally!

You already picked the church?
  Yeah, I've reserved it for the third week in July every year since I was 13.  When I tell Father O'Neill that I actually need it this time he is going to crap a communion cracker.

Women tend to hear one thing when men offer them wedding advice.  So when Keith said this:
  Elliott, two montns isn't enough time to plan a wedding.
Elliott heard this:
  Go ahead, do whatever you want, regardless of what I say.

You've made bigger mistakes.
  "For tickets to see Basic Instinct II, press the # key…"
    That one still stings!
Yeah, she didn't even show her vajayjay.
    It's on the DVD extras.  It's labelled "vagina".

Oh, Bob, would you hit that?
  What are you stoned?  I wouldn't hit that with Stottlemeyer's dong.

Out of my way boys, me and my fellow chiefs of medicine gonna tear this bitch up!
  One of those dudes is gonna die this weekend.

And here's a photo of my wedding dress, which I am totally going to fit into thanks to that awesome parasite I got from eating sushi.

Hey everyone?  I've been looking for a new roleplaying game ever since my Lord of the Rings club booted me for using an actual warhammer.  So would anybody mind if I pretended to be the chief of medicine while Kelso's out of town?

Fantastic.  Let's make cancer feel foolish!

Say I was too nervous to hit on that girl over there.  What advice would you give me?
  Bust a move!
    All right, all right, what if a great song comes on, but I'm too shy to get down.  What should I do?
  Bust a move!
You're awesome man.  What are you drinking, we'll buy you one.
  Bust a move.

Look, just because I get to spend the weekend drinking beer with the guys and paying the escorts extra so they'll do the weird stuff doesn't mean you two get to screw around.

Dr. Toilet I'm sorry about the other day, I had just had my morning coffee and a bran muffin, it was kind of an emergency situation.  I know you were napping, but it was an accident.
  An accident?  Dr. Dorian there are 48 other toilets in this hospital, I'm the only one that's a doctor.  And yet you came into my office and you sat on me.  Didn't you hear me screaming to get off?
Roger in my defense those sounds were very muffled!  I thought they were coming from me!

I'm notifying all my old boyfriends that I am officially off the market.
  I'm sure the pulse setting on your showerhead will be devastated.

Over the past six years you've become a huge part of my life, so I would love you to come.  Plus if you don't then table 14 will be boy girl boy girl girl, and that's insanity.

Listen hear, young Dr. Gilchrist.
  Uhh, that's not my name.
Gilchrist!  Please. She's not upset with you because you asked her to help, she's upset because you insinuated her job was less important.

And you, Nurse Iponima.

I will check to see if the quarterly fiscals can accomodate the financial comps.  I hope so.

Blondie, attached as I have become to my patient, his death due to my inability to see a clear picture of his heart would still be a preferable alternative to hearing you recite your self-written vows:  My dearest Keith, my heart was like a vault but you picked the lock like an apple thief who picks the first golden delicious of the fall harvest.
  Ok first of all stop reading my wedding binder.

Soulmate?  Try 'last resort'.  Let's just be honest for two seconds here. You basically lived in this dump for the last six years and there weren't that many guys to choose from once you eliminate the women and the gays, the too old, the too poor, the ones who just barely beat the rap for murdering their first wife, and of course, Ted.  Well then, what's left?

Why would you tell me you miscarried our child when you clearly didn't?

Anyone else have a question?  Yes, you in the back?
  Bust a move!
Really more of a statement than a question, but thank you.

When I got engaged all I could think was, why am I with this angry cynical idiot?  Then I fought through it and realized he was the love of my life. Unfortunately we had a little argument so we broke up, but then I met Perry maybe a month later, we have two beautiful children and the point is, sometimes settling works.

That is how I got my name.
  You don't look Asian.

The hospital needs you.  I need you.  Doesn't that mean anything?
  Damn right it does.  Now let's go find a cure for polio.

I mean, what could I possibly say?
  I don't know, how about JD I think there might be something living in my uterus?

You know what?  No more excuses.  I did a horrible thing, and I don't expect you to forgive me.
  Ok, because I'm not going to.

Then comes the "Oh my god I can't believe I'm going to have sex with the same person for the rest of my life" stage. And that's when you head to the nearest frat house, ditch your undies and then the next morning do the walk of shame to your beemer.

Now don't you screw this up Keith.  Because if this goes wrong, then the wedding goes wrong, and then I'll get depressed, and fat, and you cheat on me and I swear to god I will CHOP IT OFF!

I'm the chief of medicine, Bob Kelso, who the hell is this?
  I'm you!  I'm talking to you from a future phone! By the way sell all your gasoline stocks, everything now runs on potatoes!

I'm sorry sir, we don't have appletinis.  I could make you a peachtini.
  That's a little foofy for my taste.

Nono, that was bigger than a bomb.  More like an asteroid about to hit the planet.  You know, people running in the streets screaming, "Oh my god, it's coming right at us!" Dudes turning to hot chicks and they're all like, "Look, we all about to die, so can I hit that?" and then girl's like "Oh hell to the no!" but then she realizes, "Oh my god, I'm about to die, so you know what you can hit this, but no kissing."
  That's exactly what it's like!

Part of me wants to talk to her, part of me wants to
  Bust a move?
You have a problem sir!  Seek help!

You know what you're gonna do?  You're gonna sit here and wait for Kim, and then you're gonna talk to her because you're a good person. No matter what mistakes she's made she's still having your kid, and you're not walking away from that.

Look, I love it that after six years I can still mess with your head.  It is both a testament to my commitment and a glaring statement about your mental fragility.  But still, as much as it pains me to say it, there's nothing I did or said that had any real impact on your relationship with the future Mr. Barbie.
  But I got all crazy and went off on him.
Of course you did, you're a woman. Sure, ya do come with a little extra crazy but what the heck, that's what makes you you.

Lay off the stick or I will wait til you're asleep and then I will cheesegrate your nerps.
  Because sometimes I like to do nice things without being coerced.

Now if you'll excuse me I'm gonna go grab a quick shower to rinse this moment off of me.

Turk was giving me the silent treatment because I had taken Old MC's advice over his.  I had busted a move, and left.  And yeah, I still have doubts about my decision. I guess I'm just hoping that the doubts will fade away.  Who am I kidding, eventually we all have to face the music.   For now I was just glad to get back home where life wasn't so complicated.
  JD, do you think I'm making a mistake by marrying Keith?
    JD, how could you just leave me waiting there?
Yup, life is so much simpler here.