[BlogEntry] Scrubs Quotes : My Cold Shower

Great episode, just all around outstanding.  Some of the funniest lines of the season, from everybody.  The Friends joke was stupid, they'd been sitting on that one for years.  And I'm not really sure what's up with the ending.  Oh, and I'm sure Ken Jennings is a nice guy, but can we please not put him in a shower anymore?  He looks exactly like Rodney Dangerfield, and that man's dead. 

Update: Thanks to Rob Maschio, "The Todd" himself, for answering my question about what he'd said in response to Janitor's God is watching question.

Here come the fricks…
  Just get the motherfrickin ring on my motherfrickin finger!  Frick frick frick!

Ok Keith, sweetie, you know how I'm crazy, right?

Carla, you're in charge of the guest list.  Just make sure that all of my friends are there. Oh and Naomi that bitch from radiology. She teased me for six years about how she's gonna beat me down the aisle. Well she can suck it, her and her fat neck.

If you point out Fat Neck to me I'll keep asking her why she's single until she cries.

Sadly, it's only in the movies where the pretty girl ends up with the uggo.

You two have been on and off again more than Ross and Rachel from Friends.
  I am nothing like Ross.
    Of course not. You're Rachel.  She's Ross.

Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all five.

Baby, will you do me a favor tonight that requires no effort on your part?
  Sure, what is it?
Will you have sex with me?

If you weren't emotionally ready, would you want to have sex?
  Baby I don't even understand the question!

 Darling, do you think that we're pigeonholing the children?
  Who cares, it's not like they're ours.

God is watching, how many times have you gotten laid this year?
Who'd have thought God is watching would work?

Guess it's true what they say.  First one to be in a threesome, last one to get married.
  Damn!  Sorry, she just said that she was in a threesome.

Yeah, now was it two girls and a guy, or a devil's threesome?
  All girl.
    DAMN!  Sorry.

Great Aunt Judy's arm fat.  Great Aunt Judy's arm fat.

Now are you gonna create a wonderful memory and then secretly call me from the bathroom right after, or what?

Mrs Sheldon, can I just say I hope I look as good as you when I'm eighty.
  I'm sixty eight.
Did they not have sunscreen where you grew up?

So I convinced the bartender to give us all the booze at your party for half price.  Little hitch, you're gonna have to show some boob.  Apparently mine did not get us all the way there.  He has a soft touch, though.

But, home is where your hat is.  That's what my dad used to always say.  He would also say that America was a planet.  He was in a boating accident and suffered some brain damage.
  Brain damage is, uh, rarely good.

Greetings, strange traveler.  Wilst thou mate with me tonight?
  All right.  Not really sure how I'd go about doing that, I mean, where would I put my…
    Come on dog, this is a desperate mermaid, ya got to hit that!
  Show me where, GoaTurk, and I'd be happy to.  Where's the front door?
Yeah, that's a gill.
    Yeah it is.
  Hey GoaTurk, that's my mermaid!
    My baaaaaaaad.

Well schnookums, I'm first going to check out the market, then play a few holes of golf, and then pretend to care about underprivileged people.  You know, the usual.

I'm so hard up I'm fantasizing about having sex with my own wife!  It ain't right!

The damned internet is down, where am I supposed to go for sexual gratification?  My invalid wife?

(Next stop, BoobTown.  Population two.)
  Whoa, you can't go to BoobTown!  That, my friend, is a gated community.

Old people sex is disgusting.
  Really?  Because from time to time I like to throw back a few "blue bombers" and head out on the town.

I will have you all know that just this morning I hoisted Enid onto the safety rail in our kitchen and we went at it like drunk monkeys.  That's right!  Now just soak in that image for awhile.

We look nothing alike!  What are you, Egyptian? I don't want to hear it.

You're gonna need to tell them to slip on a love glove if they're gonna all freaky and doink. But don't use those words, they won't know what you're talking about.

Can you control yourself?
  Of course I can.
    God is watching.
  I can't.
    Who is this God everyone fears?

He doesn't even have any laughter in his eyes, like, at all!

As I looked at all the relationships around me – some that had gone on forever, some that were re-ignited, and some that had just begun – I realized something: it should have been me.

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