[BlogEntry] Scrubs Quotes : My Number One Doctor

I'm loving this final season, the episodes are really good. I wish they did more with Kelso's upcoming retirement, though, instead of just making him the random comedy guy.  Remember in the early seasons when people feared him?  The whole RateYourDoc.org thing was a little silly, although the site does work. 

You've got something on your face.
Me.  Oh god, I feel like such a hobag but I'm so glad I did it.

I do declare, spendin special relationary time with my special lady makes me feel happier than a bullfrog in a beetle bin.
  Why are you talking like that?
Because I'm smitten with my girlfriend Lady, and this is my smitten voice.

You guys are playing Smelly Belly?

You guys aren't even friends, why do you spend so much time competing over everything?
  Because we're men, and that is what men do.
(And now a quick look to Turk to see if that is what men do.)

Don't forget I crushed you at Find The Vein In The Junkie.

Do you know the muffin man, the muffin man…if anybody needs me I'll be in my office going to town on these bad boys.

Why are you guys so obsessed with reliving everything you've won?
  Because we're winners, that's what winners do.
(Back to Turk for confirmation…..Damnit!)

If along the way you all become paranoid and overly competitive, happy birthday to me.

Dr. Kelso I became a doctor to save lives.  Heal wounds.  And occasionally to drop the MD bomb to pull hot tail in bars.
  You know what else works?  Cosmonaut.  Thank me later.

I reckon my lady's as pretty as a porcupine on rollerskates.

That's what we smitten folk call a "metty for".  You little lady have a head as empty as a whipporwhill in a tub of moonshine.

Well I would say love is blind, but we both know that isn't true.  My love for Enid falls a percentage point for every pound she gains.  Since our wedding day I am one hundred and thirty six percent less in love with her.
  You're really gonna comment on your wife's weight when you've got muffins stuffed down your pants?
I like them warm.

You should have invited me, I can cry on cue.  Say "dead puppies."

He's still gonna give me a good review, see we're DBFFs.  Diabetic best friends forever.

Now I have to take your laptop from you as I've deemed you just too darned stupid to use it.  You see those bell peppers that you're munching?  They aren't gonna do a truckload of jack against the cancer raging inside your body.  I've only been a doctor for some twenty years, and the person who wrote that wikipedia entry also authored the Battlestar Galactica episode guide so what the heck do I know?  But if you feel like living, page me.

That's what she likes, he's pretending to be normal.
  NO WAY!  Too much?

If you took too many benzodiazepines, you could have died.
  Then that's exactly what I'll do next time.  Grape?

Oh, it's called Rate Your Doc dot org. I'm on a completely different more awesome site. 

How could I be last, all my patients are dead!
  Doug, remember that guy you put in the morgue drawer, turns out he was just heavily sedated?

Someone named Coco Bosco wrote that she's sick of me saying "Dat's what I'm talking about."  But sometimes dat is what I'm talking about!

If you like her, you can't keep lying to her.
  Hogwash.  Lie forever, it's the natural form of communication between men and women. Hell, Enid still thinks it's too snowy to go outside.  I spray the windows with shaving cream.  Her wheelchair tears up the lawn.

Remember when you were treating that teenager and you broke his ipod?  You felt so guilty you let him take you to prom.
  Yeah well I left early and I barely put out.

What's with the jumpsuit?
  First of all we're gonna make it not a jumpsuit. Shirt belt pants.

I'm not like normal people.  I don't have super powers, but I'm working on it.  For instance watch me move this pen. It worked at home, I dunno, maybe my table is slanted. Um, anyway, in my spare time I enjoy stuffing animals.  Usually with other animals. For instance a badger will hold five squirrels, a squirrel will hold most of a cat.  A mouse will hold a shrew and a vole.  You get the idea, circle of life.  I have broken the sound barrier, but you must never ask me how.  I don't believe in the moon, I think it's just the back of the sun. 
  Hello, train wreck.

Whaddya say, 23?
  (Oh my god, another new nickname?   But what does it mean?  Play it cool 23, you'll find out eventually.)  That's what they call me.  Why do they call me that?

There's nothing you can do.
  What if I let you beat me at basketball while the nurses watch?
Can we yell White Lightning whenever I make a basket?
  We always do.
Back in.


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