Miscellaneous rambling, and bragging about my kids.
May 14th, 2007 — Scrubs, Television
For those that listen to the Scrubs podcast, you may have caught this little tidbit drop from one of the writers of "My Conventional Wisdom":
"I think that as we slowly approach the end of the show, though we probably have a year left…."
Make of that what you will. Sounds to me like we're good for one more season, even if it is on ABC.May 9th, 2007 — Television
I think I may have disliked BeeGees week more than I hated country week. The songs really just do nothing for me, and it didn't help that everybody butchered them. The most interesting scene of the night was trying to figure out what sort of work Barry Gibb had had done to make him sound like Sean Connery.
Anyway, it's down to 3 as Lakisha is sent home. She doesn't seem too upset about it. As Simon says, somebody has to go. At this point they're all very good singers. As always, if you're looking for the lyrics to the song they play at the end, it's "Home" by Chris Daughtry and the lyrics are available right here. Enjoy.
May 8th, 2007 — Scrubs, Television
Great episode, just all around outstanding. Some of the funniest lines of the season, from everybody. The Friends joke was stupid, they'd been sitting on that one for years. And I'm not really sure what's up with the ending. Oh, and I'm sure Ken Jennings is a nice guy, but can we please not put him in a shower anymore? He looks exactly like Rodney Dangerfield, and that man's dead.
Update: Thanks to Rob Maschio, "The Todd" himself, for answering my question about what he'd said in response to Janitor's God is watching question.Here come the fricks…
Just get the motherfrickin ring on my motherfrickin finger! Frick frick frick!
Ok Keith, sweetie, you know how I'm crazy, right?
Carla, you're in charge of the guest list. Just make sure that all of my friends are there. Oh and Naomi that bitch from radiology. She teased me for six years about how she's gonna beat me down the aisle. Well she can suck it, her and her fat neck.
If you point out Fat Neck to me I'll keep asking her why she's single until she cries.
Sadly, it's only in the movies where the pretty girl ends up with the uggo.
You two have been on and off again more than Ross and Rachel from Friends.
I am nothing like Ross.
Of course not. You're Rachel. She's Ross.
Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all five.
Baby, will you do me a favor tonight that requires no effort on your part?
Sure, what is it?
Will you have sex with me?
If you weren't emotionally ready, would you want to have sex?
Baby I don't even understand the question!
Darling, do you think that we're pigeonholing the children?
Who cares, it's not like they're ours.
God is watching, how many times have you gotten laid this year?
Bagel.
Who'd have thought God is watching would work?
Guess it's true what they say. First one to be in a threesome, last one to get married.
Damn! Sorry, she just said that she was in a threesome.
Damn!
Damn!
Damn!
Damn!
Yeah, now was it two girls and a guy, or a devil's threesome?
All girl.
DAMN! Sorry.
Great Aunt Judy's arm fat. Great Aunt Judy's arm fat.
Now are you gonna create a wonderful memory and then secretly call me from the bathroom right after, or what?
Mrs Sheldon, can I just say I hope I look as good as you when I'm eighty.
I'm sixty eight.
Did they not have sunscreen where you grew up?
So I convinced the bartender to give us all the booze at your party for half price. Little hitch, you're gonna have to show some boob. Apparently mine did not get us all the way there. He has a soft touch, though.
But, home is where your hat is. That's what my dad used to always say. He would also say that America was a planet. He was in a boating accident and suffered some brain damage.
Brain damage is, uh, rarely good.
Greetings, strange traveler. Wilst thou mate with me tonight?
All right. Not really sure how I'd go about doing that, I mean, where would I put my…
Come on dog, this is a desperate mermaid, ya got to hit that!
Show me where, GoaTurk, and I'd be happy to. Where's the front door?
Yeah, that's a gill.
Yeah it is.
Hey GoaTurk, that's my mermaid!
My baaaaaaaad.
Well schnookums, I'm first going to check out the market, then play a few holes of golf, and then pretend to care about underprivileged people. You know, the usual.
I'm so hard up I'm fantasizing about having sex with my own wife! It ain't right!
The damned internet is down, where am I supposed to go for sexual gratification? My invalid wife?
(Next stop, BoobTown. Population two.)
Whoa, you can't go to BoobTown! That, my friend, is a gated community.
Old people sex is disgusting.
Really? Because from time to time I like to throw back a few "blue bombers" and head out on the town.
I will have you all know that just this morning I hoisted Enid onto the safety rail in our kitchen and we went at it like drunk monkeys. That's right! Now just soak in that image for awhile.
We look nothing alike! What are you, Egyptian? I don't want to hear it.
You're gonna need to tell them to slip on a love glove if they're gonna all freaky and doink. But don't use those words, they won't know what you're talking about.
Can you control yourself?
Of course I can.
God is watching.
I can't.
Who is this God everyone fears?
He doesn't even have any laughter in his eyes, like, at all!
As I looked at all the relationships around me – some that had gone on forever, some that were re-ignited, and some that had just begun – I realized something: it should have been me.
More Scrubs Quotes
May 8th, 2007 — Blogging, Television
As we wind these shows down to the big finale, it's almost not worth recapping every little instance. The highlight this week should have been the presence of Muhammad Ali to cheer on his daughter Laila, but they really didn't make that much of a deal about it. Probably because the man can barely stand any longer. Billy Ray was the most excited of all, running over to shake his hand during the middle of a performance.
The other big note was Bruno calling Billy Ray's performance crap. That pissed him off like I've never seen before. Billy Ray's got a good point, that is pretty rude. Karina said it best, "Every week I tell Billy Ray to take what the judges say, and try to work on something to improve on the next time. But what can you do with crap?" It's apparently an omen, however, as Billy Ray finally goes home. It was a little scary there when Joey, rather than Ian, also made it to the bottom two. What does that say about the fanbase? I thought for sure that Ian would be the next one (after Billy Ray). Maybe Cheryl's got the fanbase to carry them both. Oh, and how weird did Nellie Furtado sound? I always thought she was nasal, but it sounded like she was doing a satire of herself tonight. Yuck.May 2nd, 2007 — Television
Whew, no shockers tonight!
May 1st, 2007 — Blogging, Television
Man, watching Meatloaf sing these days makes me sad.
May 1st, 2007 — Television
Wow, pretty much an outstanding night all around. Well, except for Jordin.
April 30th, 2007 — Television
Remember Sherman Pore? He was the 60-something who auditioned for American Idol in memory of his "lady love", Melissa, who had passed away from ovarian cancer just days before the auditions began. He came bearing a petition to help him get past the age restrictions. He didn't make it to the show, of course, but he did get a chance to sing on national television and tell his story.
Well, he's going to get a little more than that. He's just finished his CD, entitled appropriately enough For My Lady Love, a collection of classic love songs. Part of the proceeds will go to City of Hope's program for cancer research. Good for him. The man's a class act all the way. Even in the interviews he's still saying, "My appearance on 'American Idol,' this album, and all the money it will raise for City of Hope to fight cancer – these are all Melissa's accomplishments.""
April 29th, 2007 — Scrubs, Television
Am I the only one who thinks that Turk has been a bit of a jerk lately? In Their Story he just decided for himself, without ever consulting the patient, that her surgery was a bad idea and then he went about trying to stop it, including going over The Todd's head without a second thought. And then this week it's one thing that he's having fun with Dr. Cox to prove a point, but then he goes and ruins it with that whole "Don't mess with me ever" stuff. Not liking this new side of his character at all.
Come on Elliot, let me just borrow it for a couple of days, I promise I'll bring it back.
No, I need it. Now go. Whenever he goes away he always wants to take my tushy.
He should just do what I did when we were dating, wait until you fall asleep naked and then take a picture of it.
Did you actually do that?
No. (It's my screensaver!)
I have chest tinglies.
Lloyd, you're 40 years old and you're a delivery man so you should be suffering from a pretty severe case of the where-did-I-go-wrongsies.
Welcome to Turk's Booty Breakdown.
Booya! Busdriver us home.
Why don't people dance the Bus Driver anymore?
Because it's not a real dance.
For us honkies it's a very important dance.
I was the tramp, ya old bitch!
Liking her.
Why does this bedsheet have two holes in it?
That's on me. Sometimes at night I haunt pediatrics.
You on the other hand, you're just not formidable enough to have ever earned my respect. I don't even know why I'm speaking to you. In fact, I'm going to stop speaking right in the middle of whatever I'm…
Hey, weren't we in an airband together?
Does heart trouble run in your family?
Well my uncle was shot in the heart.
Besides, I'm only picking on the tonsil cases. The spoiled ones who get ice cream with every meal. You know what I had to eat when I had my tonsils out?
What?
Hot coffee and granola bars. Hot and scratchy!
I'm a little tired, I was up all night learning to rollerblade. I want the ghost to be a little more glidey.
Nice drink, does it come in hetero?
Elliott's running a little late, you want to play darts or maybe sing showtunes?
(Don't say showtunes, it's a trap!)
I guess we could makeout.
(Wait, what now?)
Did I get drunk last night and send you an email asking for your opinion about what I did?
I don't know. I didn't check.
What horrible thing did Turk do to piss you off in the first place?
He asked me to occasionally toss him a good surgery.
I don't got change for that.
He doesn't got change, that's how he says that.
You know what Frank, I'm gonna do it. One hundred dollars for an appletini that was quite frankly light on the tini.
Elliott, will you marry me?
No way!
(Yup. Such is life.)
April 29th, 2007 — Scrubs, Television
So what's up with plastic surgery?
Dude, it's amazing. Just when you think you can't see another pair of great boobs, you see an awesome dong.
Now Lloyd, given your past history as a dirtbag junkie I have to ask: did you take any of Uncle Bob's needles?
No sir, I don't use needles anymore.
Oh, so you got clean?
Nope! Sign here.
This is a straw, Lloyd.
Everything's jumbo on the Todd. (Doesn't matter that he's a dude. People should know, you're well endowed.)
Now, let's see who I can sit with that will drive me the least insane.
(Oh, what a sweet moment, I should ruin it.) Stop that! We're on me now.
(Aww, he didn't give you a cardboard sleeve. Still, don't rock the boat, you don't want people staring. Besides, how hot can it be? HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! HUGE MISTAKE! HUGE MISTAKE! Just keep moving, no one saw that.)
It's not a surprise party, Ted. It'll never be.
I know I'd be a lot happier with some extra cash. Or a friend. Or hair.
I wonder if they'd still do me after I buried Mom?
Rounds sucked today.
I know. Doctor Wen didn't set me up once. He didn't say bone, organ, or suction. I mean I did what I could with carpal tunnel, but I don't think people got that I was using that as a metaphor for vagina.
(Turk's bummed, he definitely needs a high five. But which one? Chin up five? Tough to be black five? Need a hug five, need a tug five? Wait, what's he talking about? Ok, just take the last word he says and add a five to it.)
I dunno, it all seems just a little unfair.
Unfair five.
Thanks man, you always know the right things to say.
I work hard on those.
Here, take the fake sugars, because I hope you get cancer I really do. Well, my parents were really mean to me.
I know this is a slowdown, but I can't really work any slower than I already do, so I have to come to a complete stop. Now if you're asking why I'm standing here, specifically? I replaced that bulb with a tanning bulb. I'm tired of being the only white guy at my mosque.
(Whatever you think is right, sir.) You're an ass! (Ted you idiot! You just said the out loud thing in your head and the in your head thing out loud! Don't make eye contact, just keep moving…)
All I'm saying is, it's not right, the girl's only 16.
Yeah I felt the same way, until her mother's check cleared.
Internal uh-oh five.
I'm so sorry sweetheart, I was just with this super rude patient whose heart kept stopping. He's dead now, but darnitall he should have known that my ex-wife was down here jonesing for a cosmo!
(Oh great, there he goes off into his fantasy world. Now I'm stuck here waiting until he snaps out of it with some weird comment.)
But we'd have to find a whole lot of gnomes!
That's helpful.
I can't have her digging up the skeletons in my closet. Although technically they won't be skeletons for another six to eight weeks, right now they're just dead badgers.
(I need someone Turk will listen to. Someone persuasive. Forceful. Sensitive. If only my dong could talk!)
What are you thinking, Ted?
(I could jam this through the soft spot in his temple and then slit my wrists with it before anyone got in here to stop me.) The usual, sir.
Well you'd never do it, you don't have the guts.
If it's ok with you, we'll take that raise now sir.
Ok, but in this little fantasy of yours can I not have prostate problems anymore? I can't sleep 40 minutes without having to take a wizz.
Ted, are you responsible for this?
Please, sir. I don't have the guts. (OH YEAH! SUCK IT, BITCH! I WILL MURDER YOU!)
Hell, to make Perry feel inadequate sometimes I fake not having orgasms.
The point is, if you want to be happy, you should never ever listen to me.
You maybe also want to say you're sorry?
I do not.