Entries Tagged 'Scrubs' ↓

[BlogEntry] Scrubs Quotes : My Rabbit / My Point Of No Return

Here we go. Sorry it took so insanely long, for anybody who was actually watching the site for these to go up. As I mentioned elsewhere, it was a weird episode to transcribe. Most of the good quotes were miniature rants, and there was lots of stuff that was fairly mean and depressing. Anyway, enjoy! Next season coming soon!

Holy frick you're still pregnant!  Hey do you think that I should marry Keith?

It's just that every time I think about running away I look at the fat guy in the track suit with the giant rabbit head and he doesn't say anything.  He's my conscience.  I realized I'd listen to it more if I imagined something I was really afraid of.  The track suit because I had this mean phys ed teacher in high school named Mr. Fertelli, and the rabbit head because my uncle once ate rabbit and he got belly worms.

Thanks for being alone with me, Choco.

When it comes to babies, women are crazy.  If you would please hold Izzie by that rim over there, I'm gonna photoshop a basketball into her hand and photoshop you out of the picture, everybody's gonna think my baby can dunk, right!  It's gonna be crazy!

Pregnant women are among a select group of people who are actually allowed to act insane, much like sports mascots, local weathermen, theme park performers and that guy with the question mark jacket who teaches people how to get free money from the government.  Besides, we're talking about your kid, I think we both know what you're gonna do.

Dorian, don't watch a nudie movie while the mother of your child is in the next room!
Eh, I'm cool with it.  Wow, have I got a carrot for her!

(Since Kim didn't have an OB here in town we made her an appointment at the hospital.  Unfortunately that meant she had to face all the people that were mad at her for what she had done.  There was my best friend, who was furious.  And my mentor, who was equally upset, but didn't want to show it…)
  Hi Kim!
    Hey Perry.
(And other aquaintances who were much more loyal than I thought.)
          Jerk!  Who is that?

And by the way all the sympathy that's coming your way?  It's gonna turn.  And when it does, I'm gonna be here, and I'm gonna enjoy…hey!  Not finished!…. it.

(Since Turk was a surgeon, he always had the same answer.)
  I'm slicing that guy open.

Let me phrase my response in the form of a riddle.  What's black and white and should never, ever, ever be allowed inside of a hospital?
  Ooo!  Is it Lloyd and Cherisse?  Because their PDA has gotten out of control.

Is it still funny to yell "get a room"?  I don't care, I'm going for it.  Get a room!

How'd you get so good at being mean?
  It gets easier when you're married.

Since you got engaged you've become much more of a control freak.
  I'm not that bad.
You wrote my wedding toast.
  Yeah I just wanted to make sure there weren't any sex jokes in it because my
  grandma Lottie still thinks I'm a virgin, despite what was painted on our town's water

 It's gotta have a bathroom with a bidet, because I can't wear my going out thong if I've got sand in my patootie.

Turk, for the last time there's no place called Kokomo, ok?
  Where'd the Beach Boys shoot the video then, huh?

I hate ultrasounds, the gel always feels like a whale hocked a loogie on my belly.

It's a boy.
  A boy…what's his name?
He didn't say.  We have to pick one.
  Can we name him Sam, after my dad?
After what I did to you, we can name this kid whatever the hell you want.
  We can name him Sam Perry Gilligan Dorian?  Perry, just because, I kind of like the
  ring to it and Gilligan because I lost that bet to Turk.
Those are all better than anything nerdy like Aragorn or Chewbacca.
  Turk has dibs on Chewie.

Once spring rolls around Enid gets a little randy, so I throw a twenty to Churro, our neighbor's Guatemalan houseboy to get in our basement and let Enid chase him around in her wheelchair until Enid's juice runs out.  Churro hates America.

Well I just noticed that you've put Ronnie Epolito on the list. See, I just like being the only girl on the list with a boy's name. And I find it odd that a month after I start working here she changes her name from Veronica to Ronnie. Sure Ronnie claims it's because she doesn't want the same name as her mom, seeing as her mom snapped and set fire to that preschool. But I still think it's a teensy bit coinky-dinky!
  No problem, Ronnie's out.
Wait, I'm not sure yet!  I mean, Ronnie's also got the best crazy mom stories.  We are talking multiple felonies including the attempted assassination of a federal judge.

I just hope he doesn't get my dad's dainty hands, or my mom's patchy facial hair and no I didn't flip those.
  I just want what every father wants for his son:  health, happiness, and a lifelong
  obsession with American musical theatre.

I know.  You don't trust me, and I don't even know if you like me, and I really don't like myself right now. But do you think there's a one in a million chance that one year from now or five years from now you could get to a place where you forgive me, and then maybe, you know, we could give it another shot?
  (No is a powerful word.  It can surprise a colleague.  No can piss off a friend.  Luckily
  with Kim, it was easiest just to say yes and make her feel better.)  No Kim, I'm sorry,
  there's not any chance.  (Unfortunately, I couldn't do it.)

(I felt bad about hurting Kim, so out of compassion I pawned her off on my friends.)

I'm sorry about your picture.
  Gym teacher bunny conscience?

Kim, would you mind trying on this dress for my cousin Layla?
  Is she pregnant too?
No, she's just a fatty fatty fatty.

She's pregnant, man!
  That's uncool.
    How could you do such a thing?  … What did he do?

Hey Turk!  You might want to buckle up, because the Coxian Express – Coxian is not the adjective version of your name, it's a clever combination of Cox and Dorian.
Anyway, the aforementioned express is about to drop some knowledge on your brown ass.  You can't change who you are as a doctor just because you're a dad.  Tell him, Per!
  Of course being a father changes who you are as a doctor, for god's sake it changes everything about you.
Why did you come if you're just gonna contradict me?
  I don't know, intentionally annoying you seems pretty Coxian – that is the adjective version.  Now, if you'll excuse me I'm going to step over there so we can present a united front against you.

Listen newbie. Having a kid changes the way you think about everything.
  Hell yeah it does.  Before Izzie was born if I saw a half eaten meatball sub in the trash
  you'd better believe I would dust that bad boy off and go to town on it.  But now, I'm
  not risking my health eating trash food.  I mean, unless it's a corn dog.
Thank god you procreated.  Newbie, the point is, when that kid comes, you…you'll start seeing the world a whole lot differently.
  You'll develop patience.
You're going to forgive easier.
  If you got baby poop on your thumb, it's no big deal you can just wipe it off on your
  jeans like that.
I've seen the Wiggles live in concert.  Twice.
  Did they perform Big Red Car?
They opened and closed the show with it.  It was…awesome.

(It wasn't just about me anymore.  I had to give us a shot.  Even if it was only one in a million.)

(It felt good to be holding the mother of my child.)
  This is nice.
(But given recent events, cuddling was as far as I was gonna go.  Kim and I had to get to know each other again, build trust, and oh my god is that side boob?)
  Careful of the side boob big guy, my hormones are going so crazy I might just pounce your skinny ass.
Kim I really don't think we should.
  I won't.  I got a giant boogie in my nose.
(Look at her, saying 'I wont' with a giant boogie in her nose.  I must have her!)

(Still, I wonder what it will be like having sex with a pregnant woman?)

That was so cool!  And…weird.
  Yeah, somebody else liked it too. He's going crazy in there.
And now it's disgusting.

Plus when our families met last month my mom ended up doinking your Uncle Ronald in the basement.
  Uncle Ronald and Aunt Alicia have been together for thirty years!
Yeah, welcome to my family Keith!

Look, I know that I'm being a bridezilla, so to make it up to you here's a kiss with extra tongue.

Hey, you're the only one who hasn't RSVP'd to my wedding, what the hell?
  I didn't know I was invited.
But I sent your invitation to…one north cemetery drive.
  That's the address of the Addams Family. I changed my records to mess with Kelso. 
  He's always calling me Lurch.  It was either that or 1313 Mockingbird Lane.  The
  Munsters?  TV Show?  I'm old.

Jordan, here's some things I'd rather see happen than Dinkus over there becoming the godfather: a nuclear war.  A sequel to Hope Floats.  Hugh Jackman winning an Oscar…
  Yeah, Yeah.  Funny long list.  We get it.  You need a new thing, big guy.

My lease is up in my apartment in Washington, and my OB says that my mucus plug is holding firm.  That's all I've got.

Ok, I'll give it up.
  Incidentally that's not the first time she's said that.

I hit it and I hit it good.  Rowdy style!  We have to look out for that belly, it's dangerous.

But it's comfortable!
  You think I'm going to be comfortable in my five inch heels and my rib crushing corset and my nipple tape?  There will be no poppers in my wedding photos, Keith.

It's about me.  Come on, focus!  There's no "U" in wedding!

Now, what I need from you is gift ideas.  Impress me.
  You could check the registry and get her some nice linens.
Or I could check the boring, and get her some boring boring.
  What the hell does that mean?

Oh!  You know what I got my mom that she really loved?  That weird birth control thing that they sew under your arm skin!
  Ok, highly disturbing.  But you're thinking outside the box!

I love being the new urologist here, but I'm having some trouble with my peers.  Get it?  Pee-ers?
  God I hate you.

Ok Tina, here's what I'm prepared to offer you to relinquish the post of godfather.
  Not interested.
Effective immediately I will stop calling you girls names.  Interested now?
  I'm still here, aren't I?
    Be strong, you get can more.
  Good thinking.  What else you got, Per Per?
I'll give you my real pager number.
  I'll be able to page him 24/7!
    No deal.
  What are you doing?
    Put a cherry on top.
One hug.
    Per week.
    Done.  You're welcome.

(And then, as I was about to close the deal of the century, it hit me.)  Wait a minute, if I agree I only get that stuff until you retire.  Godfather, I'm in your life forever.

I think this time I'm actually going to kill him.  Yup, this is the one.

How did you get him to be like that?  Did you do that thing that all guys want us to do but we swore we'd never do?
  I didn't have to, he just loves me.  Why, did you?
I'm saving that bullet for a diamond tennis bracelet.

Ok, I have something we can't give her permanently, but I guarantee she'll enjoy it while she has her hands on it.
  No!  Pre-emptive strike on the sex joke.  Take a time out.

Dorian?  Tell your baby mama she can have her job back.  By the way, I think it's hysterical you trust her again.
  I know sir, I got your email.

And, I get to go on one movie date with the maitre'd at that new italian restaurant we go to, and no asking what happened after I go.
  Done.  May I go now? 

(Let's see, what rhymes with baptism?  Faptism, raptism, naptism.  I'm so tired I could use a naptism!  And there's my opening joke, I should write down 'pause for laughs' so I don't forget.)

Don't care.  Hit it.

I'm a story topper Elliott, you know that about me.
  When I was a kid I had a friend like that, drove me crazy.
When I was a kid I also had a friend like that, except he snapped and started playing hide the peanut butter with my dog Whiskers.  You, my friend, have just been story topped.

Would you know what to do if she woke up and suddenly couldn't use vowels?
  That's ridiculous!
That what you're gonna say when she looks at you with those big blue eyes and cries out, "Lmrtklblklgss?"

Look if I learned one thing from my parents it's this.  The key to a good marriage is keeping your emotions bottled up until they finally explode and you have to lash out physically.
 You  mean beat each other up?
I mean beat yourself up.  My mother once snapped her own index finger because my father was late for church.  She dented the car, he threw himself down the stairs.

Let's face it, Keith would walk through fire for me.
  Yeah, I'm not walking through fire to prove my love to Elliott.

Here's the scenario, you have just come home from work late.  Blonde doctor made your dinner and she is angry because you didn't call ahead.  Plus you have brought along with you Lance, your gay ultimate frisbee buddy, played by Todd.
  I should probably take my pants off.
Wait for your cue!  And Ted, you'll be playing blonde doctor.  Get into character.
    Ok…falling in love with you, long blonde hair….talkingveryfasttalkingveryfast, frick
    frick!  Ok I'm ready.

You ever think maybe we're perfect for each other, and we just both have the same fatal flaw?

I've reached the point of no return.
  You and me both.

I mean, to get out of this, I'd have to do something huge.
  I'd have to go nuclear.

(So there we were.  Together, but not together.  And as always, not knowing what the hell we were doing.)

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[BlogEntry] Scrubs Season Premiere (Season 7) : Oct 25, 2007

Update October 25, 2007: THE NEW (AND LAST) SEASON IS HERE!

Since I'm getting pummeled with searches for it – Scrubs starts up again Thursday, the 25th of October, 2007. They're billing it as the last season, and the writers all seem to confirm that in interviews, but you know, you just never know. Stranger things have happened. Will they eventually make it over to ABC? Who knows.

(Forget what I said about Sept 26, I have no idea where I got that. I could have sworn that in the NBC Preview they spoke of this being the week to start up all the new shows, but the official NBC site now has it listed at Oct 25.)

Check out the quote file!.

[BlogEntry] Scrubs News : Straight from Zach Braff

TV Squad has the info, straight from Zach Braff's mouth:

  • Just because he's dating doesn't make him the jerk the gossip rags are making him out to be.
  • Yes, he is the new voice of Wendy's. Man, I thought that was him, but I couldn't believe it. What an odd gig.
  • Scrubs starts filming its final 18 episodes in August. So I guess that's good news that it's definitely coming back and sad news that it's definitely the last round.

[BlogEntry] Scrubs Gossip : Renewed?

For those that listen to the Scrubs podcast, you may have caught this little tidbit drop from one of the writers of "My Conventional Wisdom":

"I think that as we slowly approach the end of the show, though we probably have a year left…."

Make of that what you will. Sounds to me like we're good for one more season, even if it is on ABC.

[BlogEntry] Scrubs Quotes : My Cold Shower

Great episode, just all around outstanding.  Some of the funniest lines of the season, from everybody.  The Friends joke was stupid, they'd been sitting on that one for years.  And I'm not really sure what's up with the ending.  Oh, and I'm sure Ken Jennings is a nice guy, but can we please not put him in a shower anymore?  He looks exactly like Rodney Dangerfield, and that man's dead. 

Update: Thanks to Rob Maschio, "The Todd" himself, for answering my question about what he'd said in response to Janitor's God is watching question.

Here come the fricks…
  Just get the motherfrickin ring on my motherfrickin finger!  Frick frick frick!

Ok Keith, sweetie, you know how I'm crazy, right?

Carla, you're in charge of the guest list.  Just make sure that all of my friends are there. Oh and Naomi that bitch from radiology. She teased me for six years about how she's gonna beat me down the aisle. Well she can suck it, her and her fat neck.

If you point out Fat Neck to me I'll keep asking her why she's single until she cries.

Sadly, it's only in the movies where the pretty girl ends up with the uggo.

You two have been on and off again more than Ross and Rachel from Friends.
  I am nothing like Ross.
    Of course not. You're Rachel.  She's Ross.

Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all five.

Baby, will you do me a favor tonight that requires no effort on your part?
  Sure, what is it?
Will you have sex with me?

If you weren't emotionally ready, would you want to have sex?
  Baby I don't even understand the question!

 Darling, do you think that we're pigeonholing the children?
  Who cares, it's not like they're ours.

God is watching, how many times have you gotten laid this year?
Who'd have thought God is watching would work?

Guess it's true what they say.  First one to be in a threesome, last one to get married.
  Damn!  Sorry, she just said that she was in a threesome.

Yeah, now was it two girls and a guy, or a devil's threesome?
  All girl.
    DAMN!  Sorry.

Great Aunt Judy's arm fat.  Great Aunt Judy's arm fat.

Now are you gonna create a wonderful memory and then secretly call me from the bathroom right after, or what?

Mrs Sheldon, can I just say I hope I look as good as you when I'm eighty.
  I'm sixty eight.
Did they not have sunscreen where you grew up?

So I convinced the bartender to give us all the booze at your party for half price.  Little hitch, you're gonna have to show some boob.  Apparently mine did not get us all the way there.  He has a soft touch, though.

But, home is where your hat is.  That's what my dad used to always say.  He would also say that America was a planet.  He was in a boating accident and suffered some brain damage.
  Brain damage is, uh, rarely good.

Greetings, strange traveler.  Wilst thou mate with me tonight?
  All right.  Not really sure how I'd go about doing that, I mean, where would I put my…
    Come on dog, this is a desperate mermaid, ya got to hit that!
  Show me where, GoaTurk, and I'd be happy to.  Where's the front door?
Yeah, that's a gill.
    Yeah it is.
  Hey GoaTurk, that's my mermaid!
    My baaaaaaaad.

Well schnookums, I'm first going to check out the market, then play a few holes of golf, and then pretend to care about underprivileged people.  You know, the usual.

I'm so hard up I'm fantasizing about having sex with my own wife!  It ain't right!

The damned internet is down, where am I supposed to go for sexual gratification?  My invalid wife?

(Next stop, BoobTown.  Population two.)
  Whoa, you can't go to BoobTown!  That, my friend, is a gated community.

Old people sex is disgusting.
  Really?  Because from time to time I like to throw back a few "blue bombers" and head out on the town.

I will have you all know that just this morning I hoisted Enid onto the safety rail in our kitchen and we went at it like drunk monkeys.  That's right!  Now just soak in that image for awhile.

We look nothing alike!  What are you, Egyptian? I don't want to hear it.

You're gonna need to tell them to slip on a love glove if they're gonna all freaky and doink. But don't use those words, they won't know what you're talking about.

Can you control yourself?
  Of course I can.
    God is watching.
  I can't.
    Who is this God everyone fears?

He doesn't even have any laughter in his eyes, like, at all!

As I looked at all the relationships around me – some that had gone on forever, some that were re-ignited, and some that had just begun – I realized something: it should have been me.

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[BlogEntry] Scrubs Quotes : My Turf War

Am I the only one who thinks that Turk has been a bit of a jerk lately? In Their Story he just decided for himself, without ever consulting the patient, that her surgery was a bad idea and then he went about trying to stop it, including going over The Todd's head without a second thought. And then this week it's one thing that he's having fun with Dr. Cox to prove a point, but then he goes and ruins it with that whole "Don't mess with me ever" stuff. Not liking this new side of his character at all.

Come on Elliot, let me just borrow it for a couple of days, I promise I'll bring it back.
  No, I need it.  Now go. Whenever he goes away he always wants to take my tushy.
    He should just do what I did when we were dating, wait until you fall asleep naked and then take a picture of it.
  Did you actually do that?
    No.  (It's my screensaver!)

I have chest tinglies.
  Lloyd, you're 40 years old and you're a delivery man so you should be suffering from a pretty severe case of the where-did-I-go-wrongsies.

Welcome to Turk's Booty Breakdown.

Booya!  Busdriver us home.

Why don't people dance the Bus Driver anymore?
  Because it's not a real dance.
For us honkies it's a very important dance.

I was the tramp, ya old bitch!
  Liking her.

Why does this bedsheet have two holes in it?
  That's on me.  Sometimes at night I haunt pediatrics.

You on the other hand, you're just not formidable enough to have ever earned my respect.  I don't even know why I'm speaking to you.  In fact, I'm going to stop speaking right in the middle of whatever I'm…

Hey, weren't we in an airband together?

Does heart trouble run in your family?
  Well my uncle was shot in the heart.

Besides, I'm only picking on the tonsil cases.  The spoiled ones who get ice cream with every meal.  You know what I had to eat when I had my tonsils out?
Hot coffee and granola bars. Hot and scratchy!

I'm a little tired, I was up all night learning to rollerblade.  I want the ghost to be a little more glidey.

Nice drink, does it come in hetero?

Elliott's running a little late, you want to play darts or maybe sing showtunes?
  (Don't say showtunes, it's a trap!)
I guess we could makeout.
  (Wait, what now?)

Did I get drunk last night and send you an email asking for your opinion about what I did?
  I don't know.  I didn't check.

What horrible thing did Turk do to piss you off in the first place?
  He asked me to occasionally toss him a good surgery.

I don't got change for that.
  He doesn't got change, that's how he says that. 

You know what Frank, I'm gonna do it.  One hundred dollars for an appletini that was quite frankly light on the tini.

Elliott, will you marry me?
  No way!
    (Yup.  Such is life.)


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[BlogEntry] Scrubs Quotes : Their Story

So what's up with plastic surgery?
  Dude, it's amazing.  Just when you think you can't see another pair of great boobs, you see an awesome dong.

Now Lloyd, given your past history as a dirtbag junkie I have to ask:  did you take any of Uncle Bob's needles?
  No sir, I don't use needles anymore.
Oh, so you got clean?
  Nope!  Sign here.
This is a straw, Lloyd.

Everything's jumbo on the Todd.  (Doesn't matter that he's a dude. People should know, you're well endowed.)

Now, let's see who I can sit with that will drive me the least insane.

(Oh, what a sweet moment, I should ruin it.)  Stop that!  We're on me now.

(Aww, he didn't give you a cardboard sleeve.  Still, don't rock the boat, you don't want people staring. Besides, how hot can it be?  HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!  HUGE MISTAKE!  HUGE MISTAKE!  Just keep moving, no one saw that.)

It's not a surprise party, Ted.  It'll never be.

I know I'd be a lot happier with some extra cash.  Or a friend.  Or hair.

I wonder if they'd still do me after I buried Mom?

Rounds sucked today.
  I know.  Doctor Wen didn't set me up once.  He didn't say bone, organ, or suction.  I mean I did what I could with carpal tunnel, but I don't think people got that I was using that as a metaphor for vagina.

(Turk's bummed, he definitely needs a high five.  But which one?  Chin up five?  Tough to be black five?  Need a hug five, need a tug five?  Wait, what's he talking about?  Ok, just take the last word he says and add a five to it.)
  I dunno, it all seems just a little unfair.
Unfair five.
  Thanks man, you always know the right things to say.
I work hard on those.

Here, take the fake sugars, because I hope you get cancer I really do.  Well,  my parents were really mean to me.

I know this is a slowdown, but I can't really work any slower than I already do, so I have to come to a complete stop. Now if you're asking why I'm standing here, specifically?  I replaced that bulb with a tanning bulb.  I'm tired of being the only white guy at my mosque.

(Whatever you think is right, sir.)  You're an ass!  (Ted you idiot!  You just said the out loud thing in your head and the in your head thing out loud!  Don't make eye contact, just keep moving…)

All I'm saying is, it's not right, the girl's only 16.
  Yeah I felt the same way, until her mother's check cleared.

Internal uh-oh five.

I'm so sorry sweetheart, I was just with this super rude patient whose heart kept stopping. He's dead now, but darnitall he should have known that my ex-wife was down here jonesing for a cosmo!

(Oh great, there he goes off into his fantasy world.  Now I'm stuck here waiting until he snaps out of it with some weird comment.)
  But we'd have to find a whole lot of gnomes!
That's helpful.

I can't have her digging up the skeletons in my closet.  Although technically they won't be skeletons for another six to eight weeks, right now they're just dead badgers.

(I need someone Turk will listen to.  Someone persuasive.  Forceful.  Sensitive.  If only my dong could talk!)

What are you thinking, Ted?
  (I could jam this through the soft spot in his temple and then slit my wrists with it before anyone got in here to stop me.)  The usual, sir.
Well you'd never do it, you don't have the guts.

If it's ok with you, we'll take that raise now sir.
  Ok, but in this little fantasy of yours can I not have prostate problems anymore?  I can't sleep 40 minutes without having to take a wizz.

Ted, are you responsible for this?
  Please, sir.  I don't have the guts. (OH YEAH!  SUCK IT, BITCH!  I WILL MURDER YOU!)

Hell, to make Perry feel inadequate sometimes I fake not having orgasms.

The point is, if you want to be happy, you should never ever listen to me.
  You maybe also want to say you're sorry?
I do not.


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[BlogEntry] Scrubs Quotes : My Words of Wisdom

I enjoyed this episode.  Supposedly about everyone mourning Laverne in their own way, I really didn't see too much of Laverne in it.  But the comedy bits were nice, including JD's funeral, and all the interaction between JD, Turk and Janitor.  Here's a note from the podcast — apparently in the JD's funeral sequence, there was supposed to be a bit where the reverend refers to JD's "valiant but futile attempt to save the world from the hostile alien takeover", and then cut to a space alien looking at his watch and giving the "hurry it up" gesture.  In other words that the invasion had occurred and they were holding up the destruction of the human race so that the funeral could take place.  I thought that would have been funny, but they cut it.

You named our daughter JD.  Why would you do such a thing?
  I was hoping that you would hate the name so much that you wouldn't be able to hide your spite from your daughter and she would love me more than you.

I did her autopsy.
  I'm her uncle.
Your niece had beautiful guts.

Hell, I love ya newbie.  I should have done this a long time ago.
  I knew you loved me, I just had to fake my own death to prove it.  He loves me everyone, can I get an amen?  Woo, God is good!

Are you an idiot?
  No sir, I'm a dreamer.

It's like her feet are giving me the peace sign.

Dr. Cox?
  You might want to knock, he's in an imaginary glass bubble.
I need help with a patient.
    Twenty minutes.
Ok.  How long does it take an old woman to bleed to death?

Oh, you're deaf too.  What are the odds?  I'm a doctor, I should know that.

I'm the trailer trashy pop star who rarely wears underwear, and you're one of my backup dancers who's not sure about his sexuality.  yet. 
  I don't want to do Britney and K-Fed anymore.  Ever since the divorce it's too sad.

Well when I was in high school  I was a volunteer janitor at the Hoboken Zoo.  And one night I was out plucking peacock feathers to sell for pens when I noticed Gary the gorilla making the sign for food. I gave him my danish, he gave the sign for thank you. It was the only two signs that Gary knew.  Except for boobs.  He liked em big and hairy.
  Join the club, player.
Get away.  So eventually Gary I'm sorry to say died of lung cancer.  For that I blame myself because I used to share my smokes with him.  But he also peaked my interest in signing and in his memory I took my first signing class.
    Is any of that true?
Someone would have to read it back to me.

What's up your kiboodle?
It's my new word I'm trying out to replace ass.

Can you teach me how to sign 'I think we can fix your son's hearing"?
  Or I could just tell him.
I think it's best if he hear it from a doctor.
  No, you just want the glory. Are you really that emotionally needy?
Have we not met?
  Oh, you're right, I'm sorry.  Wasn't thinking.

Elliot, this relationship isn't working for me.
  Well that sucks kiboodle.

You know if we learned sign language we could talk in the movies without Carla yelling at us.
  Yeah but it's so dark how could we see what we're signing?
We'd get special glow in the dark signing gloves.
  Yeah but then the popcorn butter would get all over the gloves!
Why do you keep poking holes in this?  We'd cut off the fingertips.

Ha! You nagger.
  Hey, what you just call him, you punkass?
A nagger.
  Oh.  We cool.

Laverne was our friend, and people are walking around like she never existed.  It's not right, you know?
  Yup.  Tough crap.
Excuse me?
  You can't tell other people how to feel, you just can't.  Some want to cry, that's fine.  Others may choose to laugh and guess what, that's ok too. Plus you don't know what's going on inside people's heads.  Take…take PeePants here.  Now how do you know he's not thinking about Laverne right now?
    I am thinking about her.  I haven't seen my cellphone since her autopsy.  You don't think if I call it…
  You're done.  So to sum up, tough crap.  Hope that helps.

We're just wondering if we have any legal recourse?
  Just give me one second.
    Are you looking for a legal precedent?
  No I'm looking up the word 'recourse'.

Who could you possibly go to if the father won't sign a consent form?  Here's a hint, it begins with an M and ends with an R.
  Marg Helgenberger!

I"m glad it's not Marg.  We did not end well.  Hell hath no fury like a Helgenberger scorned.

You know Carla, sometimes you can be a real kiboodle hole.

I've been watching you for 20 years, champ.  Your joy comes from being needed.  That's who you are.

And tell him, if you know the sign that is, BooYah!
    Nazi salute.
  My bad.

You know when I was a kid, I made my dad teach me sign language so I could communicate with my deaf sister. I ended up closer to her than with anyone.  I think Mr. Francis is afraid of losing that.  
  Is any of that true?
Mostly. My dad died before I was born.
  Wait a minute I met your dad!
You met a man.


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[BlogEntry] Scrubs : Dr. Cox (John C McGinley) Gets Married

I don't usually post all the Scrubs gossip, but weddings are always nice. Dr. Cox, aka John C. McGinley, got married to yoga teacher Nicole Kessler on Saturday. I know, I know, the obvious question is which hairstyle was he sporting – the curly nonsense from early season, or the chrome dome? Well he still has hair, but I didn't imagine that anything could have been worse than the curly thing. I was wrong. Looks like he just got out of bed. Must have been a windy day.


[BlogEntry] Scrubs Quotes : My Scrubs

This episode was cute, but one of those that are sort of out-of-time in that they don't really advance any plotlines.  It's like an extra that they have lying around that they can drop in for whatever reason to stall for a week.  Since I'm late this week I had a chance to listen to the NBC podcast that goes with the show. Interesting things I learned:

  • Ken Jennings, who plays Dr. Kelso, has a bad habit of referring to the young Asian ladies who play in his fantasy sequences as "little girls."  Maybe they really are kids, or maybe it's just something that he says, but when you're taking about a massage parlor sequence and a happy ending it's weird to hear him say things like "I could just picture that little girl having to call her mother and tell her what she did today."
  • The guy that plays the delivery man is a writer/producer on the show.
  • This script was the first script written by this particular writer, whose name I forget.  It shows.  It was almost like a tryout.  Here, write a show, but don't advance any of the plotlines, just make it funny.
  • Laverne shouting out her name before smashing Carla's window actually was a geeky reference to the World of Warcraft character of LEEEROYYYY JENKINNSSS!  But you have to be very geeky to get that.

Anyway, on with the show!


But call me Grandpa again and you and I are gonna play a little game called "Hide the Wingtip."  There may be a generational gap here, I'll explain.  The wingtip is my shoe, and the hiding place is your ass.

Well, let's see what Enid packed for lunch today.  A stapler and a golf ball.  She's not well.

Cool, Mr. Rabinowitz just kicked it!  Oh don't worry, he put his peep in an electrical socket.  You can't do that.

Dude, I've had a pro bono like all morning.  Something-might-be-wrong five!

Why so awkward?  You never saw a colleague get a happy ending before?
  No, not that happy.
    But thank you, for including us.

I started using that new facial cream made from baby foreskins.

Oh, you think you're funny?
  I do. I always have, ever since I was little. It's one of the reasons I'm a winner.

White people do the craziest things.
  Like bumper stickers.  I don't give a damn what you break for.

Anyway, small favor.  I need your baby.  I'm getting into the baby broker business.  Nothing illicit, I'm just hooking up folks who can't have babies with folks who don't want babies.

If this is your way of trying to make me feel guilty about paving over that Indian burial ground it isn't going to work.  We needed the damn parking spaces!

Hey, Mom.  A guy tried to die on me today, but I didn't let him.  I didn't let him!

Scuse me guys, stealin scrubs here.

Well anyway, since I wasn't willing to do the things you need to do in jail to get narcotics, at least not enthusiastically, I got clean.

I have a game.  Raise your hand if you're full of crap.  Sam, if you don't raise your hand, you're going to lose the game.

Come on man, you don't know how hard it's been to stay straight.
  Been there, brother.

No, it's not bald black doctor.  It's haired, half white half Innuit janitor.

Here's what I want.  I want your baby, we already talked about that.  I want you to tell that new borderline anorexic nurse to eat a sandwich, and then to go salsa dancing with me.  Also I want you to teach me to salsa dance.  I want a pound of frankincense, mostly just to see what it is.  And, lastly, I'm in a little bit of a tiff with the main barista down at Coffee Bucks.  He's not above poisoning me so I'm gonna need you to be my official beverage taster.  Yes?

Nothing ever changes.  The artist formerly known as Prince is still just prince.  My ex-wife is still pretty much my wife.  Grey's Anatomy always wraps up every episode with some cheesy voice over that ties together all of the storylines which incidentally is my least favorite device on television.  Newbie continually will try to violate my no touching policy…uh huh….and Republicans will forever try to raise
  Sneak hug!

(Unga bunga tunga runga, tonga batonga bunga.)

I may have killed you, but I think I was upset about it.

Maybe we should post the transcript of your little "nothing ever changes" rant for the cancer patients in the chemo ward as a little pick-me-up.  Oh and FYI, I happen to like the voiceovers on Grey's Anatomy.  Except for when they're really vague and generic.
  (And so in the end, I knew what Elliot said about the way things were had forever changed the way we all thought about them.)

I don't care what you think, I'm always going to believe the best in people.
  All the best with that, Barbidiot.

Well, tunafish on a sponge.  She's getting closer.

Are you seriously doing the cliched sarcastic slow clap?  Because that's way too 1980s.

Ghost dog!  Ghost dog!

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