The only redeeming quality of the results show is that demonstrations of professional ballroom dancing. Combining that with a song (or two) from whatever B-list celebrity they have on hand that week actually makes them both bearable, compared with something like American Idol where we have no choice but to sit and listen to Carrie or Fantasia or whoever is legally obligated to sing that week. On Dancing we can ignore Dionne Warwick and watch Anna Trebunskya wiggle her hips.

Anyway, it comes down to Paulina and Shandi, which seems to pretty well demonstrate that all these things are popularity contests, not talent contests. Paulina and Shandi didn't stand out. Billy Ray, even if he's a lousy dancer, has got a following because of his television show. The audience doesn't vote for people they don't know.

Can I take a moment to say how badly Samantha screwed up several times tonight? At one point she said "after the babank" instead of "after the break" which had Tom looking at her strange, and then later she completely screwed up the tease about who was in the bottom two when she said "Paulina and Alec….uhh…." before going on to just list everybody's name. Turns out they were in the bottom two anyway. Bad cover.

Speaking of them, Paulina is indeed the first to go. That must piss off Alec. Remember, he was the season one champion. You have to figure that he was looking forward to making a real showing of it.

When I heard that Gwen Stefani (No Doubt) was the special guest this week, I thought it could be pretty cool. I liked that era of music. They could easily have gone with a 90's theme. Instead we got a bunch of Police and Donna Summer in a boring "what inspired me" theme week. Was it stuff that inspired Gwen Stefani? I couldn't quite figure that out, why would we care what her inspirations were?

Lakisha (Let's Dance, Donna Summer) – Does doing classic disco tunes show any real range for Lakisha? Sure it was faster than her usual, and she actually moved around the stage, but maybe I just hate the song in general.

Chris Sligh (Every Little Thing, The Police) – Chris can't stay on the beat and everybody calls him on it, judges and Gwen Stefani as well, going so far as to say that it's painful for the audience to listen to. It really was bad this week, even his look was off. He looked fat and winded, quite frankly.

Gina (I'll Stand By You) – Unlike Lakisha, Gina brings us a "stand there and belt it out" song, and the judges go nuts for it. Simon's all compliments as well, saying "That wasn't one of your best, that *was* your best."

Sanjaya (Bathwater, No Doubt) – Oh dear God what did Sanjaya do to his hair this week? If we rule out the fact that he looked stupid, it really shows that the kid has a set on him. They make fun of his hair every week, so now he's saying "I dare you." That's confidence. He reminded me of a character from Mad Max or something. Simon tells him that it doesn't matter what they say, the people that like him will vote for him.

Haley (True Colors, Cyndi Lauper) – Going against the advice of the professional, Haley mucks all around with the melody of the song and the judges don't love it. They tell her that it's boring and too adult/contemporary, and anybody could have done that.

Phil (Every Breath You Take, The Police) – Hey, he's got the hat back. I can't decide which I like better. At least this hat fits. I do like his song this week, maybe it's not so bad that he's stuck around. The judges like it as well.

Melinda (Heaven Knows, Donna Summer) – Have the judges ever said anything bad about Melinda? I don't think so. The worst Simon said was that he didn't like her outfit.

Blake (Love Song, The Cure) – I can't believe that Blake busted out such a kill yourself slow song like The Cure. I dig Blake, I want to see him win the whole thing, but man I wanted to put him out of his own misery during that song. The judges, on the other hand, really liked it. Simon told him multiple times that he's the best of the guys.

Jordin (Hey Baby, No Doubt) – I really did not enjoy Jordin's version of the song, but I can't put my finger on why. Seems like more of a team effort sort of song, not really a solo thing. Plus, can we talk about the outfit? She looked like she just got off of field hockey practice and decided to wrap a picnic table cloth around herself. Totally distracting. Seriously, was that gym shorts she was wearing?

Chris R (Don't Speak, No Doubt) – I just don't enjoy the way this kid sings, what can I say. Gwen calls it "vocal Olympics". Blah. It's slow, it's all over the place, and he's got a weird habit of looking over his shoulder like he's expecting the band to come up on stage or something. Time to go.

Speaking of time to go, I have no idea who it will be this week. Sanjaya has really messed up everybody's predictions. It's really up in the air.

More American Idol stories…

I am seriously behind in my blogging, so let's get right to the couples, what they danced to, and how they did.

Apolo Anton Ohno and  Julianne Hough (Two Hearts Living in Just One Mind)  Better than last week (where I said he wasn't as good as I'd expected him to be), the judges are clearly setting him up as the front runner.

Shandi Finnessey and Brian Fortuna (Right Now) She just doesn't really have the natural grace, and is pulling low scores.  She won't last long, although she might not be the first to go.

Clyde Drexler and Elena Grinenko (Your Love Keeps Lifting Me Higher)  All the judges say Clyde did well, but low scores don't back that up.  He could be in danger.

Leeza Gibbons and Tony Dovolani (Independent Women, Destiny's Child) Leeza's not really relaxing and getting into it.  Sure, she's 50, but John Ratzenberger is older than that and he's getting into the spirit.

Ian Ziering and Cheryl Burke (Don't Get Me Wrong, Pretenders) Ian drops to fourth place, looks like he's not much of a front runner after all.

Paulina Porizkova and Alec Mazo (La Bamba, Richie Valens)  After making a big deal out of the "death drop", it's really not that big of a deal.  Carrie Anne sums it up:  "I think it's very apparent this is not natural for your body."

Billy Ray Cyrus and Karina Smirnoff (Ring of Fire, Johnny Cash) Much improved from last week, but still at the bottom of the pack. People on the net are speaking of the "Disney vote" keeping him around since he plays somebody's dad on some show for the teenybopper set.  We shall see.

Heather Mills and Jonathan Roberts (Mambo Italiano)  I was worried about the mambo for Heather, thinking that she couldn't do any serious hip wiggling.  I was very wrong.  Not only did she survive it, she actually did very well.  She even included what I think is called a "back walkover" which is something nobody else tried.

John Ratzenberger and Edyta Sliwinska (The Lady Is A Tramp) Oh, I hate it when the old guys bust out the props (like John's pocketwatch).  It never bodes well in the long run, it just says "more time spent not dancing".  He does all right, that's about the best you can say.  He tried.  I think the difference between John and some of the other charismatic gentlemen like Springer, Hamilton and O'Hurley is that he's giving the opinion he really doesn't care if he gets eliminated.  The others all seemed like they were really trying hard and wanted to stay from week to week.  Ratzenberger is like "Hey, I come out and do what I do."

Laila Ali and Maksim Chmerkovskiy (I have no idea, it was not in English)  The judges just love Laila, but I don't see it.  Maybe they're digging on her mambo because she's got the most defined set of hips in the whole competition.  For me I can't get over the man voice.   The judges catapult her into the lead.  Will the audience get behind her as well?

Joey Fatone and Kym Johnson (Tell Her About It, Billy Joel)  The judges claim to love Joey, but his low score (24) doesn't seem to match that.  Since that still left him in second place you wonder if they deliberately put Laila out in front by giving her a 27.

Who is going home this week?  Seems like Billy Ray is the obvious choice, but who really knows.  Sometimes it's a matter of who the audience gets behind.  If that's the case then it could easily be Shandi or Paulina or even Leeza, none of them have really got the pizzazz to keep the camera focused on them.