Ok, children's movies need to be better. This was incredibly stupid. The following post contains spoilers, but really, if you're old enough to read this blog, are you really interested in the plot?

Think "Three Amigos", with gourds. You've got your three lovable losers who work in a pirate-themed restaurant. They have the love, but not the respect, of their family and friends. Enter a magical "help finder" device that mistakes them for real heros, and presto they're sent back in time where the princess thinks they are real heroes. And the rest writes itself, they confess that they're not real heroes, then they discover the true strength inside themselves blah blah blah save the day.

Well, except for the weird bits. Now, I'm cool with the vegetables not having arms or legs. That's fine. But I'm not sure I realized that stuff just sort of floats in front of them, as if they were carrying it, with no explanation. This makes sword fights very unusual. And then there's the bad guy, who apparently has made himself this weird exoskeleton that gives him arms and legs. But yet…if we're supposed to believe that they all have invisible arms and legs, why would he need that? And then one character mentions his arms like we're supposed to accept that they exist, but another character even says "That's impossible, and that's coming from someone who just swam 92 nautical miles with no arms or legs!" So which is it?

And then there's the cheese curls. Imagine, if you will, a ball pit. You know, the kind of thing you see at a Chuck E Cheese, you jump in, you swim around. Only instead of balls, there are cheese curls. Ok, ready? Now imagine that suddenly all the balls/curls have teeth and are trying to eat you. And worse, when you escape, all the balls start rolling out of the pit and chasing you, no matter what you do. You fall down a hole, they come down the hole after you. You start climbing a mountain, they climb it. You swim away, they swim with you. Sounds like the stuff of nightmares, no? Except, it's a major portion of the movie. I was waiting for my kids to freak out. There's never an explanation of what the creatures are, they're just freakishly scary.

And then, well, there's God. I knew that Veggie Tales had a christian theme, but what with this being a regular movie theatre release I wasn't really sure whether it would come in. Yeah, it does. The whole plot involves saving the prince and princess, both of whom regularly say that the king will save them, once he returns. And let's just say that he does, that's fine, that's part of the plot. Where it gets weird is when the hero tells the king that "your help seeker" (the king apparently invented it) was broken because they weren't real heroes. "No, it did what I wanted it to do," says the king. "I was with you through your whole adventure. When you thought you couldn't go on, I helped you. I was there when you doubted yourself, and I was there when you didn't think you could go on…" and so on. If you don't know that the king is supposed to be god there you should be going "Wait, huh? What? How were you there? You're the king, what do you mean you put a crab on a rock with a clue? That makes no sense!" At one point, the "help seeker" offers to let the heroes go home, clearly before the adventure is complete. "That was a test!" says the god king. "A test that you passed." God's insecurity never fails to amaze and amuse me. An omniscient creature who feels the need to test his creations, when he certainly knows the answer to the test before it begins. Silliness.

Overall, a horrible movie and I am sorry I wasted my time and money taking my kids to see it.

Took me awhile to find these, because quite frankly I think it's the weakest song they've done yet. But, hey, that's just my opinion. The lyrics to the American Idol exit song has consistently been one of the most popular posts I've ever done. So, here we go. It's by somebody named Ferras. I don't really know anything else about it.

Born Helena Jane
With a restless soul
She moved west to California
Became a Center-Fold

But once you change your name
Well the pieces fall
Now she hardly recognizes herself at all

And there’s never any rain, when you want it
A hollow little game, and you’ve won it
Looking for a thrill but you’ve done it all

So long, put your blue jeans back on girl
Go home
Remember Hollywood’s not America
So long put your blue jeans back on girl
Go home
Remember Hollywood’s not America
O yea

And everybody heres, from somewhere else
You could make a million dollars, but you might lose yourself
And you can take the heat will your heart go cold
They say acting’s just pretending, even that gets old

And there’s never any rain, when you want it
A hollow little game, and you’ve won it
Looking for a thrill but you’ve done it all

So long, put your blue jeans back on girl
Go home
Remember Hollywood’s not America
So long put your blue jeans back on girl
Go home
Remember Hollywood’s not America

And I know what to do when
I know that you
You can be anything you want to be

So long, put your blue jeans back on girl
Go home
Remember Hollywood’s not America
So long put your blue jeans back on girl
Go home
Remember Hollywood’s not America
Hollywood’s not America
It’s not America

More American Idol stories…

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