[BlogEntry] Scrubs Quotes : His Story IV

An episode all about Kelso is cool, but the Iraq stuff was too contrived. They went out of their way to make it appear a 50/50 argument when reality shows it to be far different.

Who the hell came up with Pickle?
  I did.  If you call Carla Pickle, I can call Isabella Little Gherkin.  I need this.

Stop, if it had taken any effort I wouldn't have done it.  I mean it, I really do.

Listen up faces.  In order to save us all some time I will call all the males Daves and all the females Debbies.
 Debbie's actually my real name!
Then out of fairness to the others you will be Slagathor.

(I actually don't mind that goofy bastard.  If he were gay he'd be perfect for my son.  Harrison's been looking for a new power bottom.)

(All my little worker bees buzzing about, buzz, buzz.  I love making that sound.) 

All of you should hear this. I think it was Robin Zander of Cheap Trick who sang, "I want you to want me."  Well if I sang that song it would go, "I don't want you to want me."  (Skiddladee, skiddladoo…)

I understand that since your head wound you've had some short term memory loss.
  Head wound?  Nah, I'm just kidding, doctor…ah, see, now I'm embarrassed because that one's real.
Doesn't matter, son.  (Bob Kelso, write it down, damnit!)

Private Dancer?  Tough name.  You must have had your share of beatdowns.

Iraq?  (You know how controversial that topic is Bob.  Quick, change the subject.)  So, Pluto's not a planet any more, what's up with that?

Oh, that's why we're over there.  Here I thought it was to root out terrorists, or was it for the oil?  Or Mama Hussein's secret falafel recipe?  It's so goshdarn hard to keep track.

The war in Iraq?  Try the war to *see* rack.

Elliot, the only good that's come from our occupation of Iraq is exposing the neoconservative conspiracy to perpetuate American cultural and economic imperialism.

Did you break our pact and start reading the newspaper?

If you get a chance, read the Boondocks.  Man that little kid hates honkies.

I know all about the war.
  Really?  Point to Iraq.
Why do you keep a globe in your janitor cart?
  In case I get lost.  I'll give you a hint, it's not the country shaped like a boot.
That's Iraq.
  That's China.
You're China.

And Johnny's got a tattoo on the same cheek that says Bobby.
  He probably doesn't regret that at all.

I would have asked to be stationed in southeast Asia.  For the food.

Our boys over there are doing the Lord's work.
  And by Lord you mean Halliburton, right?

I think both sides have valid points.
  Way to take a stand, sweat balls.

President Reagan should be on the one dollar bill.
  Oh my god, that's hot.  What do you think about Hillary?
I hate that bitch.

Slaggie, if you want to get people's attention you've got to get more aggressive, or more attractive.  Pick one.

(Well you got what you asked for, Bob.  They don't need you.)

Hey son, how you doing?
  Well, even though no one ever comes every time I hit this nurse's button, I feel a little better.
That's morphine.
  That explains it.

I felt like an idiot so I've been reading up on this Iraq situation.  You know what's so messed up?  I just got to the part where President Bush gave his mission accomplished speech on a battleship, and I've still got like 400 pages to go.

And I can help out Dr. Cox, even though I'd rather punch him in his piss on the government until Jabar's cropdusting my condo with anthrax, NPR Al Franken listening face.

Clean the toilets.  Just tired of staring at that.  Byebye.  I need to Tivo Crossing Over with John Edwards.  I need to turn a cat into a spice rack, and I need to return this thing to the patient in 307.  All doable, don't need ya.

Oh, Nurse Kelso?  Purple's not your color.  Listen, could you go down to housekeeping and maybe send up some fresh scrubs for me.  And psst, come here, please put on a bra.  You're distracting some of the other doctors.

Private, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.
  That you were never in the war, and Johnny's your husband?
If only.  I love you, Johnny.

My bajingo's on fire.  May 2004.  What's a bajingo?

More Scrubs Quotes

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[BlogEntry] The Mooninites Have Landed

Since I work in Boston, several people have asked me if I'm planning to comment on what's become a national joke.   No links since I don't have the patience to go looking for them and they're easy to find.  In short, Turner put up a bunch of little signs advertising their Aqua Teen Hunger Force character Err, a Mooninite.  Boston thought they were bombs, everybody freaked.  They weren't.  Later we come to find out that they're in cities all over the country, have been for weeks, and nobody else freaked out.  So now Boston is all about who can we arrest and how much can we sue for, because they're embarassed.

I have two thoughts on the subject:

  1. I was in Boston all day when this happened.  Took mass transit home.  Know what?  Never heard a thing about it.  So reports of "panic" are greatly exaggerated.
  2. This morning on the news they had a shot of one of the signs.  It is made up of little Lite-Brite style LEDs in the shape of a cartoon character.  That character is flipping the middle finger.  The video was of a man (police?) holding the sign during a press conference, so it was moving.  But if you looked really closely you could see that some apparently very cautious censor had superimposed a teeny tiny little blue circle over the middle finger. Think about that.  News video of a press conference of a police officer holding legal evidence that represents a children's cartoon character, and we still feel obliged to censor it.  Yet all of last year on the Today Show every morning you could hear every last little detail about the Duke rape case.  You could ever see the Saddam execution.  I'll never understand that.